Better to say is do… 16 essential ideas Templar Being › Mega Resources

Administration of human resources in organizations

Administration of human resources:

1. Better to say is do
2. 16 essential ideas Templar Being
3. Moving away from the Confusion
4. About Will ...
5. Our fears ...
6. My essential minute
7. What to do when you get a bad boss? (I)
8. What to do when you get a bad boss? (II)
9. Management possibility
10. We and money: gestures that betray us
11. Why we are shameful?
12. People who talk too much
13. Be different ... or extinct!
14. Give back life to their job functions
15. Emotional intelligence in the success of the leader

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[ 1 ]

Better to say is do

Speaking of change makes us anxious. We become fragmented. We say one thing and do another. The word is separated from the act.
With training, will (to train) and courage (to withstand the shocks) can take advantage of the daily lessons we received from all those who interact with us. Everyone, absolutely everyone, we become teachers and pupils. We declare apprentices costs. We tend to think we know them all.
Through learning we can review those beliefs that we not are proving effective in some aspects of our life.
We need to confront the "defensive routines" that present themselves in situations that feel threatening. We are triggers fear and learning is impossible. We close the door to another or others and we were alone, with the feeling of being safe from those heartfelt threats. It is true, we are safe, but without learning.
A word, a gesture, anything, shoot us our defensive routines, forgetting our desires and commitments. Forgetting also our feelings declaimed, often with exaggerated recurrence.
We spoke with some ease, expand our consciousness, be vigilant. Nothing much when also feel the threat is submissive, obedient and unforgiving to be present and impact on our bodies and in our relationships. We ended generally killing the dog to end rabies. I have killed and I have killed many times throughout my life. We stick to the suffering caused by threatening situations revive not overcome. Pride gets the upper arm wrestling and the "dog" pay the piper for our comfort. Learning, in addition to the above, it is uncomfortable.
Carefully, lovingly, we can go diving within us to be recognizing the situations that cause us our fear, our flight. We do not escape from others, we escape from ourselves. Upon leaving, we may have stabbed someone else. Many times it is duels in which all ended fatally injured. We have adhered to romanticism and somehow or another we all ended up impersonating some of the characters in his classic literature.
From there we move appealing to forget that provides us the time and when we least expect it, those reactions recorded to fire, made flesh, until finally one day, hopefully, we realize repeat themselves what until that moment no we realized. At that time, we are learning and our ego accuses the wound. From there there are chances that we lose not flee and to dialogue (search shared sense) with the other.
Incorporate information on this or that is good as a general idea, as a process of framing the context containing a subject especially as a starting point for an individual and vital exercise, think and think. Forget us, the actors, is a chicane that allows us to believe us with the supposed certainty of knowing what we want and to who we are.
We explain in detail the positions taken justifying reactions that end up justifying, in turn, another dead dog. Or we can come to think that this is a way to reassure our sins. Even usually we appeal to "this anymore" and time, no matter whether it is short or long, we heard say, "soup again." Here, it is great though painful, come to recognize that there is something in us to reiterate some unwanted situations.
It is also good to lower defenses and surrender to dance listen to others, to tell what is ours and to go about building a shared and reliable accompanying context. When we did it becomes wonderful, we are special beings, with full sense, we live in synergy, so named so little lived. It becomes an experience of transcendence. We ventured to the uncertainty feeling well worth doing. We are actors, we left the guise of victims of circumstances or others (spouse, children, boss, president, neighbor, friend, etc.).
To dance with others we allow "play" without resorting to the alleged seriousness of life, much less to get the body to the intensity of feelings. We do not kill or kill to live an intense love affair. Amar does not kill or hurt. Death comes from lack of acceptance and delivery. If I am killed, it was because I did not accept the other. If you have killed me, there was someone who did not accept me. We kill and kill us when emotions overflow. Realizing this is a detail that opens, magically, a space for personal reflection.
I have lived, and live those moments in which you want to shout from the rooftops that it is beautiful to be alive. These are the moments in which I encourage you to be without fear that the other judge me or leave me. No beggar acceptance and affection. I'm just. Life is a process me and I forget the final result. The achieved goal becomes a new beginning. Do by walking ...
I have also lived and still live, those many times when nothing, absolutely nothing, I find meaning. Seeking to accept me, they want me and conditioned my actions to what I get. Suddenly, I find myself looking for a dog or scapegoat. The only thing that matters is the end result and from there I find empty, with nothing. Today that means that I have away from the "neighborhood" of that neighborhood that is my "home", my essence, my being.
Those moments away prowling neighborhoods serve me realize that there is something I'm not seeing, I'm missing something that I'm living.
The group (two or more) gives us the learning process (realize). It becomes a great sensor that warns us that something might be not working well on us. To do this we must commit ourselves to be willing to revise the proceedings although this is presented as a tremendous threat. We need to banquemos "stay together although we are not entirely agree." It is at this time when we have to stop the tendency to kill. As good escorpiano this I know enough ... It
is not always possible to find dance partners. Many times when we propose we become someone else's dog and feel the knife going deep. This is also learning. These wounds serve to rethink what we want and how we search and choose our fellow adventurers. You need to learn to forgive and ask forgiveness for our actions. Load the fights we will fill the luggage of an unhealthy resentment. It blocks the energy needed to power the learning process.
If you already have, repeatedly appealed to kill and has not given us growth, which continue betting on death.
Without self - criticism we not learn, just play, all victims and victimizers. Thus, life becomes a succession of boring reiterations causing us much suffering.
Thus, in addition, we are aware that we are not helping to build a better world.

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[ 2 ]

16 essential ideas Templar Being

This is a summary of the concepts discussed in the pages of the book "16 hours to Temper Being." I excerpted here a few paragraphs that I think are important to guide in the daily training course to consciousness. Idea No.1 The "self-leadership" is the human condition of self-discovery. It is to discover and enhance our strengths; It is to accept and transform our weaknesses, exploring the depths of our inner selves, which inhabits the essence of the universe and its principles. Idea # 2 Our mind produces over 60,000 thoughts per day and most of these thoughts are negative. This confirms, moreover, that are excess to stick to the negative energy and determines a real detriment to us, in all areas where we operate. Idea No. 3 In general, human beings we focus on the problems of everyday life, in everyday life; whether economic hardship, home, work, etc., and ended up identifying with negative emotions of helplessness, despair, jealousy, sadness, envy and many more. Idea No. 4 When undesirable thoughts invade our minds, defeat our own will. It happens that we have become so accustomed to thinking negatively that the new-mind re - education, evidenced his powerful stubbornness, since that habit of thinking improperly generates powerful rails leading to thoughts toward self-sabotaging beliefs. Idea No.5 Creative visualization allows us to approach a full life; to a life in which we can get what we propose. Consists in our mind an idea, an image of what we want to create for ourselves, imagining the present reality "transformed" what-we think we deserve and then achieve that transformation. Idea No. 6 THANK YOU , is more than a word; It is to keep our "certainty" that what we visualize, already a reality "here and now". Why not thank our supreme power that constantly creates through us and dwells within us ?. Idea No. 7 Every word we utter produces a particular direction generating the transformation of our living conditions. What we say or express creates reality for ourselves and for others who share our existence. Idea No. 8 Every word expressed with positive energy generation enables the positive realities. Affirmations or positive statements allow us to improve our living conditions. The repetition of these statements, allow us to create new patterns of thought or belief. Idea No. 9 express mental or verbal statements, strengthens the positive thoughts that generates-mos in our minds as images and predisposes us to produce constructive changes in our lives, as they contribute to our creative processes. Idea No. 10 It is important that at some point of the day we practice silence, to achieve the lifting of our energies and enable us to be in a quiet and contemplative state. In the act of experience silence, begin to appear ask or the answers we need. In the practice of silence it is where we enter the path of our own inner wisdom. Idea No. 11 Demonstrations in the material plane, that is, everything that we get in this tangible reality are based on the generation of thought, which places an image that visualize and emotional burden (intention) that pervade the sense or direction that mental creation. Idea No. 12 exists between humans synchronicity between language, emotions and body. Dominion over this trinity - so to speak - it makes us self-lead us . Idea No. 13 If we are aware of the messages of our body, we can know the emotions we experience. If we start giving importance to emotional records that communicates our body, we can classify them as positive and negative. If we classify emotions, we can choose the emotions that bring joy, peace, happiness, security and feel worthy of these emotions. If we choose constructive emotions, we will be "self-motivating." Idea No. 14 The "attachment" is nothing more than the pursuit of security known. What we know always belongs to something last I checked. It is there, in that state of search for "security", where things stop in our lives. Being in the unknown, in the "uncertainty" is to be in constant "evolution", where the seeds of creativity begin their process to sew-cha, as it is the fertile path for our development. It is uncertain where there is the mystery of life. Idea No. 15 The practice of de-addiction is a training that is necessary to work to make our dreams materialize. The universe always accept what we want vehemently and expects us to trust him delegating work demonstration, which will willingly by concedérnoslo. Idea No. 16 Human resilience is the driving force that we possess inside; the "natural" ability of each of us to tolerate the hardships of life; to be able to turn them into challenges, new opportunities to strengthen.

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[ 3 ]

Moving away from the Confusion

When I was little, on TV the "Kung Fu" series, where the actor David Carradine played "Kwai Chang Caine" is displayed; but we knew the character as "Kung Fu".
In these pinches of humor children, one of the friends in the neighborhood where he lived asked:
- Why "Kung Fu" instead of going to the North went south?
None of those who were there gathered - leather ball in hand and muddy - could answer the question.
The child started laughing and intrigued all we asked to answer us. It took some air and threw the answer with a laugh. He said:
- Because "Kung Fu" was "Kungfundido".
All exploit out loud.
Today, more than 35 years of the television series `70, you could replace the character of" Kung Fu "for each of us. Ask: Why instead of going to the "north of our lives , " we walk the opposite cardinal point ?. The answer is: because "we are confused".
At this time in which we live, we have inculcated heading further "look" that "Being". I feel that this has led us away from the right path.
One of the issues is not having the ability to be more precise with the "language". When we desire the spiritual path we intend to "go to search", however, we looked and looked "tirelessly" until we get tired of looking. I think this happens because we pay attention to the "pursuit" rather than the "encounter".
For me, there is a big difference between "being in search" and "go to meeting".
We have also said that "God is in heaven" and we would never look at the "inner firmament" and find it within us.
When I say no , "we are accurate with the language we use" in general, I am also saying that many words have lost their real meanings or meanings are no longer known.
One of those words is "LOVE". When I ask "What is love?", It happens that all people become "poets"; They start giving very beautiful definitions. In fact, the etymology of "LOVE" comes from the Latin "A" which means "without" and "MOR" which comes from "mortem", "death". That is, "LOVE" is "LIFE".
Continually we wonder why our life is falling apart; why our life is stopped and the answer is: not deliver "LOVE" in everything we do every day, every moment.
When the energy of love is the foundation of everything we do, whatever it is, it will surely be durable. What we do not want and unloved, never have any projection.
I am convinced that the planet earth is a "classroom" by which all men had to learn to recognize the magnitude of love as an inexhaustible source of universal energy.
Accept that we love energy leads us to the "north of our lives" and takes us away from the confusion.
As love is the "choice taken" the fewer questions we will consider. Among so many existential questions we ask, one is "why are we here walking in this life?". I deeply feel that the answer is "to deliver power to love humanity through service"; and is contributing to our environment, friends, people with whom we interact with society or, on a larger scale, with the world.
Prepare to accept delivery requires that every human being has a unique and unrepeatable mission as its own essence. This mission is the true purpose of our lives and allows us to reach the fullness.
We are treading this earth to accomplish a purpose. Latinos say that "when a child is born, a loaf of bread under his arm brings". This refers to each individual has their special talents that make it unique. In developing the talents of each individual is the gateway to the higher purpose that we come to meet.
Through our talents and how they manifest, we can direct our energy toward finding the best ways to serve humanity. When we decided to do, the universe supports us in this regard and gives us everything we need to have a truly harmonious, happy and full of life fullness.
When each of us is committed to being on the purpose of "unconditional love", everything happens in sync. Things we want and need come to us with the least effort, including abundance.
The Sanskrit "Dharma" word means "life purpose" essential reason for our existence. It is the powerful beacon that illuminates and guides the boat of our being, towards the goals that truly come to play in this way of life. When these goals are achieved, it is just a confirmation that we are "moving toward the north of our lives."
I want, as a finishing touch to this my personal thought, to honor my Latin American brother Mr. Feliciano Laureano Ramos, a professor at the University Eugenio Maria de Hostos in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, with a phrase of his own.
"Where I am not helpful I must not occupy a space. "

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[ 4 ]

About Will ...

Talk of the "will" requires special treatment because, from my personal perspective is one of the pillars of the "success in life".
In Etymology word will come from "voluntas" Latin, which has the meaning: "want".
In this regard, I ask some questions that analyze together: Have
you ever utter the famous phrase "I do not have the will to do this" ?.
How Generally, we lack the will to do things that "we" or is that really we do not want and we do not take action determination to achieve them ?.
Have fear stops us so much that ends up dominating our will ?.
There is a myth that among the años1550 and 1600, a thousand Spanish ships that sank in the deep sea American center, carrying treasures of gold and silver from America.
One of the Spanish ships called "Nuestra Señora de Atocha" had been destroyed by the force of a hurricane and its treasure was swallowed by the waters of the Caribbean Sea.
Mel Fisher (1922 - 1998), an adventurer of birth, had read "Treasure Island" and his fascination as a child made him the hunter world 's most famous galleons. As an advanced diver mounted a base with other divers, spice-lists and captains of boats in search of sunken Spanish treasure ship El Ato-cha, in the depths of the oceans and seas of Central America.
Mel Fisher searched tirelessly for the salty waters until his indomitable will and persistence gave their reward after 16 years.
It had been three centuries and more than sixty years that "Nuestra Señora de Atocha" sank with the most impressive treasure after the discovery of Tutankhamun's tomb in Egypt.
The Ocean has the most wonderful hidden treasures that one can imagine.
Patiently awaits the ocean silently someone dive for its deep waters and discover its riches.
In the depths of our inner, silent also expect our treasures of Being, where the most of our resources with which we can awaken the conscience.
The will is unshakable diving equipment with start-oars that the most important discovery of our personal history, in order to make it clear.
"Will is the most powerful than steam, electricity and atomic energy driving force , " said the German scientist Albert Einstein.
I propose decide to turn our dreams into concrete facts; to decide to undertake the journey to what we really want in this life. Will is the force that gives value to small efforts we make and that helps us, along with faith or self - confidence, to move mountains by larger they are.
A prominent American religious called Henry Ward Beecher (1813 - 1887), was expressed by saying that "the difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that the former often originates from a strong will to do and the other in a strong objection".

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[ 5 ]

Our fears ...

I do not know they think about this in particular; however, I defend my personal view that many of us see these films to "test us" to fear, to see if we can beat him or not. A game we are proud to beat, with popcorn or popcorn and "company" someone.
The question then happens after the movie and begin to see that life has us as "major players" and that no preset scripts, no manager to guide us. The film is rolling in our minds all the time, without stopping even for a second, even when we sleep.
I read once about a chimpanzee looks similar to the human brain by 95%, and the remaining 5% that makes us different, is not just the ability to reason. Chimpanzees also experience feelings of fear; only that we can be "aware" of what we feel and have the willpower to move on pain of our emotions.
And I wonder ... How many times have we been up looking like the chimp, not take care of 5% that differentiates us from him ?.
With fear (which I call "booo"), one can have two choices to star in the "mental movie" we have each. An election is that the fears are monsters devastate us to recognize weak; and the second choice is to turn that fear into our own energy enhancer.
If those fears are monsters or ghosts of our minds, we become paralyzed. We fail to advance to stop, not to act. The will is broken. Start saying that "we can not" or invent a thousand excuses for not having the initiative to continue. I would say that we enter into a circle where it is feared, it stops, it is feared more stops and more ... never overcome this obstacle of life.
But ... How do we get out of this inaction, this carefully ?. Only accepting them. Recognize that fear. We feel weak before fears. And right there, at that moment, it is where we start the way out, where we leave the state of paralysis. That is, we begin to be aware and pay more attention to our emotional records. Otherwise, if we do not pay attention to these emotional registers, our fears invade us when we least expect it.
At school, in biology, there were a couple of experiments with the frog. One of them was to take a live frog and throw it into a container of boiling water. Before throwing, the teacher asked us "what do you think will happen to the frog believe?". Most of the group of students thought he would die burnt. However, the frog had a 95% chance of being saved, given the instinct to act quickly to sudden changes in temperature.
Now, what would happen to the frog if we put in the same container with cold water and then we light the fire so that the water will gradually warming ?. Well, we know the answer ...
This is what happens to everyone when we are not "aware" of our emotions. Fear grows without us noticing, as if water is warming; until we boil !!!.
Then, the knowledge that the fears are, is the inexorable step to overcome them .
Certainly fear is an "alarm" that asks us to "auto-protect" the circumstances, something or someone. In the instinctive nature of human beings - and the frog - we can recognize fear from emotion through physiological changes that we receive from our nervous system. That is, to be biological beings, our emotions are manifested in the body. However, both mentally sabotaging us, until we change often innate nature or essence and begin to feel emotions of fear, without that being a real alarm which we must protect.
Fear is something necessary. The difficulty arises when we do not exercise control over our mind. Otherwise, we would not run when ever a rabid dog chased us to bite. Is consistent learn to differentiate the real fears of those who threaten our natural human essence.
If we spent taking a meter to measure ourselves against those ghosts fears, I assure you that we always feel small, insignificant. See fear (Booo) immensely great that hurt us the neck from looking up to the top and giant would see.
Imagine the little fears, to the point of desmerecerlos. Burlémonos them. Let 's put a bun with spots of red and green apple, a clown nose and smash a cake frosting on her face. Ridiculicémoslos !!!
Joy, humor and repetitiveness of positive thoughts and affirmations are the antidotes to the spell of black and poisonous fears that pollute the harmony of our being. A spirit that comes and goes, brings us suffering, melancholy, the listlessness, sadness, discouragement and many states that do not want to have. 'Enough already be in a pendulum of emotions !!!.
Riámonos ourselves. Of the mistakes we make, from our past, our present, our fears. It is very healthy and pleasant. I also think it is an attitude of courage.
In fact, the memory is triggering many fears or fears of experience in this or a similar situation like we live in the past. Remember what happened to us and feel like a waterfall in the stomach, we sudan hands tremble ... so many things ... And what is also true it is that what we fear is an energy that materializes exactly what afraid.
Then laugh at the fears, past himself, it is something that keeps us with positive thinking and energy enhancement. That energy, which is definitely the best choice thought, allows us to "polarize" or "reverse" the energy of fear into a powerful impulse towards improvement and more, to realize our cravings.
We do not underestimate our energy. Fear is not powerful enough to influence our behavior. If we face, it is only difficult the first time and it is natural that we pass, since the beginning, we do not know how to move forward on it. Although ... when one takes the determination to face it , he begins to have knowledge, and knowledge is power.
Let 's make a list of our talents, special gifts and qualities. Start building a fort with all these unique and unrepeatable gifts we have. Every day, a brick. The sum of these, from today, will that strength, something indestructible. Then we will be ready to meet the most utopian and impossible goals.
To fear, remember the moments of success. Decretemos express fears and loudly that the beat. Riámonos from our mistakes and seek to do a thousand times more until we do , we do not stop. Let joy to our lives, art and express emotions. Impeach not what we think will happen in a given situation, we have no crystal ball, nor are we happen to know that witches. Let us be responsible and committed. Let us not running all the time. Let us look goals, objectives and be persistent. And if we fall, we get up and continue. A stumble is not falling and falling is not death; is life itself that wants to strengthen us to be free.

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[ 6 ]

My essential minute

THE SEARCH

Once there was a man who sought balance in your life.
He wanted to be happy in his work and family. And he wished that others were happy and productive.
Which it was frustrating for him because he had tried by all means to be happy himself and others happy. But, much as he tried, nothing seemed enough.
When he was alone, he did not experience the peace of mind he sought.
Something important also failed in their business relationships and in private.
In the best case, it was not up to what he and the others waited; at worst, it hurts people, though usually without realizing it.
It was becoming a skeptic.
He began to wonder if she ever discovered the secret of balance.
But he knew enough about happiness to realize that if ever found, would have to be within himself.
But he wondered how it would affect others.
Meanwhile, the man was looking for someone who had already found the solution and I wanted to share his secret with him.
After treating many people realize that almost everyone felt the same as him. He met a few people who seemed happy. But they would not or could not share his secret with him.
However, the man knew that for his own good and the good people who worked and lived with him, needed to find a solution soon.
It was said that hopefully knew someone who had such a solution, which lived under it and could explain it in a simple way.
"Maybe it's a secret too personal to share with a stranger he thought. If I knew someone ... "
Suddenly, he remembered a person he knew well and had managed to be more successful in their work and greater happiness in your life.
A "Uncle" as he called all the family, lacked nothing, for I had from good health to a large fortune, though, as it consisted perfectly man, had not always been so. But now he enjoyed a very happy private, family and social life.
Uncle always seemed to hold back , like all the people around him. The same well remembered that when he was with his uncle was more at ease than ever.
Uncle seemed to be in possession of the secret of how to make himself happy and make others happy.
He wondered why he had never had a serious talk with his Uncle apart the banalities exchanged during family celebrations.
He phoned to say he wanted to talk to him and arranged to meet the next day.

MINUTE FOR ITSELF

Uncle smile greeted him as he entered. As soon as he felt at ease, he asked:
_ Are you happy Uncle?
This said,
happy _muy. But I must admit that only a few years ago. I remember before I had come to feel very unbalanced.
Q : If it is not too personal, Uncle, I would like to ask you how you got to be happy.
_It Easy said the Gaffer. In fact, when things get complicated and I feel confused , he added, I manage remembering: If it is complicated, probably part of the problem. If it's simple, it could be a solution.
"Most of my troubles seemed so complicated -siguió me confessing the Gaffer. But solutions once found, were quite simple. In fact, sometimes I'm a little embarrassed to discover how easy it was practical solution when finally give her.
"The plain truth is that I am happier since I started myself to ignore while the other concluded Uncle.
That had not expected the man, so he asked:
_ What makes you happier, heeding yourself or others?
Assumption felt one goes with the other, and actually it is not possible separation replied the elder of the two men.
"The greatest happiness I get it when I get to balance two important truths continued the Gaffer. Sometimes you should look first for others, and sometimes it is referable to take care of myself first.
"The good thing is that the way to take care of myself usually also serve other.
"And to ignore others is a way to listen to me myself. That makes me feel balanced and full of peace.
"Before , my life was not working because I insisted too much on pleasing others and I forgot to please myself. Now I give equal time to both.
After a pause, the uncle continued,
curious assumption felt is that, since I started to listen to me myself, people tell me that feels more comfortable with me, and themselves.
The skeptic man replied
_Me seems too simple, and too good to be true. It is possible that I am still absorbed in my own problems, but I think my life is far more complicated than that.
Uncle replied
_No blame you for putting in doubt. But the reality is that the secret is so simple, so practical and so powerful that when you do Everyone wins!
And that does not fit any doubt, the older man calmly wrote something on a paper, then handed it to his nephew. It was this:
Before you can attend to something or someone, I must learn to wait on myself.
Uncle said
_MI "I" is what I am. Your "I" also added an ambiguous is what you are. Our personalities are as different as our fingerprints. Each is unique and special, just like any other human being in the world. That's the "I" that we must address.
Q : Why is that so important? He asked the nephew.
_Porque, When we have good care of our "I" of our personality, we feel healthier and happier. Only then can we serve others.
" A few years ago he continued the uncle began to see more clearly the question of happiness, noticing its opposite. What happens to people so unhappy, so unhappy, suffering severe depression?
_No Ignore anyone ... or themselves, or others, or anything that surrounds them said the man.
_Justamente, That's what happens to them , 'said the uncle. They ignore anything. What about people who are next to someone who ignores nothing happens?
The man smiled and said:
_It depressing.
And Uncle did you observe:
_Por therefore wrong caregivers themselves are also harmful to others. If you take better care of themselves, would not that be an advantage for others?
While pondering the answer caller, the uncle continued:
_¿Cuál is the first sign of recovery in a depressed patient?
_Que Begins to take care of himself. Recovers the habit of combing your hair, for example.
Uncle nodded
_In effect. Healthy people take care of themselves; sick, no.
Then he asked:
_ What I did say then?
And he answered his own question:
_Empecé consider myself a caregiver. You can also do, if you want.
"Imagine, if that continued the uncle, who are the honored caregiver of a beautiful garden in a magnificent estate. People all over the world come to see your garden, and admire your work and to you.
"Consider, mentally, the beauties of your work. Breathe fragrances.
Uncle paused to encourage your partner to imagine the scene.
_ What is it that being a caretaker of that kind?
The man nodded
_Magnífico. I feel great.
Uncle continued
_To experience the balance, was enough to contemplate the three main areas of my garden, "I", "you" and "us".
The nephew asked
_¿Quieres say you look taking care of myself, taking care of you and taking care of us, right?
_Yes. With the "I" I mean myself -corroboró the uncle. The "you" is the "I" that is inside you, and you have my same fundamental needs. So when I think of "you" I can understand the needs of your "I".
Putting his hand on a globe that was in a corner of his office, Uncle concluded
_Y the "we" is the relationship between you and me ... and that "you" can be a family member, partner or a stranger from another continent ...
the uncle person appeared surrounded by a halo of peace and great strength.
The man felt the need to know more.
You _¿Querrías explain the first part of that philosophy of yours, or how to take care of myself?
_Salgamos The garden, catch some sun suggested the uncle.
The man looked uncle's garden. He heard the sound of water and looked at the beautiful flowers. He sensed the prevailing peace and tranquility. I began to see how that caregiver could be used to take good care of himself.
Uncle thought aloud:
_When contemplate this garden, I can hardly remember the days when she was so unhappy.
_What It was what was wrong? The man asked.
_Sencillamente That did not take care of myself. At first not even know what it was that did not work, just I was not happy with my success, or my family, or my friends.
"When I stopped to look closely, I saw that it was more my business if my family, and my family myself.
"I had allowed my life desequilibrase.
_ And what did you do then? The man asked.
_por Easy enough, halt several times a day to devote one minute to myself.
_A Minute is not long objected man.
Enough to become happier replied the older man. Look at the clock and then stand still and silent. Do not look at the clock until you feel you have after one minute, not a second more, no less.
Uncle waited quietly while his nephew tried the experiment. He knew what would happen.
After what he believed to be a minute, the nephew looked at his watch. It was a surprise.
_¡Pero Have happened if only thirty-eight seconds! He cried. One minute longer than I figured.
Uncle smiled contentedly. It was always the same.
_When Are silent, a minute is a long time.
_ And why must be a minute?
Uncle said:
_Porque, in a minute of silence alone with myself, I become aware first of what I'm doing, then I can choose whether to seek a better way.
"Besides the other things I do to take care of" I "," you "and" we "invest in myself and others that extra minute And that's all the difference!
_How do you do that? The man asked.
The uncle said
_Sencillamente, echo the brake and ask the I: Is there, right now, a better way to take good care of myself? Strange as it may seem, it works.
"I stop to consider QUAD silent for a minute, I often find that way. And then I put it into practice as soon as possible.
_ And how do you get to ignore the "you" asked the man in a minute?
_Animando That you (the self that lives within you) to see that you and I are alike. You also need to make good case for yourself. I invite you to take a minute to stop and ask yourself the same question in silence: Is there, right now, a better way to take good care of myself?
"For you who also carry within your own answer he concluded his uncle, also you deserve good care.
And the man asked:
_ And how to take care of "us"?
_Invitando To each of us to take the time to ask quietly: Am I asking the other part of our relationship to do what is impossible (take good care of me), rather than ensuring that everyone do good case itself same, which would allow all together we had a better relationship?
Uncle sensed doubt his interlocutor:
_A something so simple how can be so strong?
_Porque That simple and brief minutes during which consider and reflect on my conduct or my ideas, it leads me to something very powerful. Leads me inside myself, to listen to my own wisdom said the uncle.
"Take me one minute several times a day to stop and contemplate what I'm doing is like driving through town and stop in front of red lights. These lights help me to reach my destination safely.
The man had understood:
_Así that, stop and look, avoid hitting something and hurt you.
_Yes Said the uncle. I stop, look and see that I have a choice: go forward or change direction or anything else it deems best for me.
"And so it is less likely to crash and hurt others who may have reached the same crossroads where I continued the uncle. That helps me take care of myself and others.
"Take me a minute to myself, when I remember to do it, it's been invaluable to me he concluded the uncle. I find the solution within me, almost always. In fact, we all know what is best for us; enough that we stop long enough to see it.
The man began to seem that Uncle knew some things worth remembering. He took out a pen and paper and asked
_¿Te mind if I take some notes?
And he said the best of what he had just heard.
Uncle began to explain in detail.
_Empecemos At the beginning, that is how to take care of myself. Then we "license them ", as I say, to enter the next course, on how to take care of you, and finally, how to take care of us. You'll see how the one overlaps the other until equilibrium is reached.
The man asked:
_ And then do what?
_The What to do is the easiest part said the uncle. Once adopted the commitment to do something every day to take care of myself, I find numerous ways to implement it . Just remember to ignore myself so well and so often as I do with other people.
"Anyway, when I do something for myself I feel cared for and that makes me happy.
"What do you to take care of yourself may be different from what I do. Actually, dear nephew, part of the satisfaction that provides ignore yourself to discover what things are pleasing to you exclusively.
"What I do to take care of myself may be different from week to week. But usually always begins in the same way.
"First I take that extra minute in the middle of the day, to stop and ask" There is for me, at this moment, a better way to take good care of myself "?
"What you do next will depend on what he was doing or thinking when I asked the question. Usually it leads to a change in my behavior or my ideas.
The man then asked
_Tío could not you give me a concrete example of how to care for yourself?
_Verás Said the uncle. I remember that I realized I did not have enough time for myself all day.
"While twirled my resentment for it, I halted for one minute. I thought silently during that time, and then decided that instead of being resentful, he could get up an hour earlier every day, and then that would be my time to dispose as he pleased at any time of day.
Uncle smiled and, after a pause, he continued: '
But remember the first morning I tried, I was tired and did not want to get up. Then I wondered sleepily means: "There will not be any better way?"
"I decided to get up just a quarter of an hour before, but overtaking another quarter hour each week for four weeks. After the month I had that extra daily hour to myself.
_ What were you doing during that time? The man asked.
_No Have understood the matter said the uncle. No matter, while he was aware that he was doing something to take care of myself. That was the important thing.
To give more emphasis to what is said, the uncle insisted:
_No matter what you do. In the small stuff is the big difference ... things that an outsider might not even observe.
He stopped and, upon reflection, he continued:
_A thing I do when I feel overwhelmed, when all hurry and lose perspective, it is formularme another simple question: "In ten years, how important will this"
man he nodded
_Estoy sure now omit many of the things that do not matter and live much quieter.
_It Truth -corroboró uncle. Then he added another thing I do for myself is to laugh a lot. The more often I laugh healthier and happy I am. I remember once relayed by radio a great comedy. It made me laugh so much and felt so good, then bought several comedy routines for car cassette. Now you see me spend many times the silent, laughing while driving.
The man said
I _Recuerdo that before were a man too serious. Now you look more cheerful. What happened?
Uncle said
_Afortunadamente, I had a friend endowed with a great sense of humor. I watched him and saw how the mood improved his life. It was very busy, like me, but apparently took it otherwise. So I started to take his jovial philosophy.
"Once I walked very depressed and my friend asked me what was wrong. I said that I wanted to hide underground.
"To which he replied:" Then do it. " Then he asked me if I had a large closet at home, and I said, "oh yes, why?
"And he said: To hide within it. Go to your closet, put in a chair, sit down and shut the door. "
Uncle laughed and continued: '
Then I realized how ridiculous it was my little problem, so I stopped spinning.
I _Así to laugh at yourself is a good way to get case observed the man.
_Yes Said the uncle. Better yet, I laugh at myself. I enjoy my madness, my imperfections, my human weaknesses ... for that, I use a little trick.
_Which? The man asked.
_When I see that'm taking myself too seriously continued the uncle, I imagine God amid the clouds, watching my actions and very funny, because humans will have fun and that really likes me.
"Suddenly God breaks out into a big laugh and call one of your good guys," Come and see what the guy is doing now! It's the peel!
The man laughed:
_Esto not forget.
Uncle went on
_Reírme myself and do a little something from time to time for myself, that's what makes me feel good.
"Did not you asked some examples of what I do? Sometimes I skip lunch and change the routine. I go out for a walk. Or I buy a small gift for me ... something that makes me feel that I'm taking care of myself.
"Or I go by car, looking for a beautiful landscape, or sack a ticket to a concert.
"Sometimes business an appointment with myself at midmorning, strictly personal commitment. Once I left at eleven o'clock to visit an art gallery. Then I returned and continued working as usual until lunchtime.
"I make local excursions. Visit places where he had never been, just to see how I feel being there. It can be a neighborhood of the city that has not frequented before, or a shop that had never entered. With these developments , I feel more free and alive.
"They are trifles. But there is something more important.
The older man happened to his nephew had a plaque on his desk. He said:
I treat myself as I would like others to treat me.
_What do you mean by that?
_When I think people did not treat me well, I think how I treat myself said Uncle.
"Now I go well things because I care about myself in these important aspects. However, sometimes I think it still has not touched me a fair share of the deal. Usually, it is unimportant things. But still do not like the feeling of not being well treated.
_Conozco Feeling that the man said.
_Now Well, as soon as I stop and see that I'm feeling victim I continued the uncle, I know who my executioner.
_Yourself? He ventured man.
It _Exactamente uncle 'he confirmed. I remember once that I can be my best friend or my worst enemy. It all depends on what you have chosen to think and do.
_¿Cuál Would be an example of what you could do?
_No I like to see other people think I have not fallen short of what was expected of me. So I keep myself against a too rigid expectations and compare myself to what I think it should be. When I'm disappointed in myself, usually it is because I have not achieved what had demanded myself.
"I've learned not to expect perfect realization of my fantasies: birthdays with cake and candles, absolute gratitude of family and friends ...
" Now consider this as an opportunity to acknowledge what has been achieved.
The man asked
_Así, disappointments ... unhappiness ... are the difference between fantasy and reality?
_Yes' He assured her uncle. Now simply I appreciate what happens, rather than comparing it to what I thought would happen.
"I have learned that my inner pain arises from the difference between what happens and what I wanted to happen.
The man said
_de So if I abstract of what I find missing in my fantasies, and I appreciate what you already have good reality I be happier?
_Así Is how it works in my case said the uncle. And then he continued: - If I make myself considering what I want versus what I need.
_ What is the difference between the two?
_A Need answered the older man is indispensable for our welfare. A desire is something that we believe will make us happy ... but often we are wrong. I can want a candy; however, I need oxygen to breathe.
"It is like the relationship between success and happiness continued the uncle. Many people
prosperous but miserable, they have had to find happiness in what they persecuted and not obtained.
"I feel lucky when I get what I want, but I'm happy when I want what I get.
"As always, I see things more clearly when I stop to consider what I'm chasing the guy he concluded.
He paused to make sure his nephew captured the importance of what was about to say.
_Never Never get enough of what we need ... It's what happens when you want money, get it and find out it does not bring you happiness, yet covets even more, believing that in the end that will make you happy.
_Entonces, How do you know you need
_Pues devoting some time to consider what really makes me happy. Some days I prefer to sit down and write my thoughts, and then analyze them . Other times I get to go for a walk and listen to myself silently.
"When I take a minute to ask:" Do I really need what I'm chasing , "often stopped chasing him said Uncle?.
The man said:
_Esto reminds me of the time I learned gliding. One of the boys threw the planer wing while the instructor shouted from the floor: "Beware of those parked cars! You're going right against the green car! Beware car is green! ... Can you guess where it went to the boy? ... Well against green car, naturally he continued. And the instructor said: "Let that be a lesson. Never look to where you do not want to go. " Now I think I begin to understand. You save many hardships in your life does not aspire to what they do not need.
_Exacto Said the uncle. What do you suppose would feel you or me, having worked hard to get something, if we discover that we do not need at all?
_me Disappoint said the man. Or even depress me. So really worth stopping to look.
_Fair! And if I'm not willing to take the time to stop and consider what is really best for me, who will?
"It's actually very simple. The better care of myself, I feel better served.
_ And what do you do when things do not go well? How do you manage to take care of yourself then?
_Miro Beyond bad until I find the good. Maybe you also want to do that when things go wrong you.
The man promised
assumption felt try. Can I ask what else do to help?
_Yes. I simplify my life replied the uncle. It is the fastest way to reduce nervous fatigue. I pruned more and more until he reached the trunk of what makes me happy.
"When I get the simple, I stay in the simple. The simpler it is my life, greater peace in which I live.
_ And how do you do to simplify your life?
Uncle caused him to think again:
_Creo you'd better ask what could you do to simplify yours.
Uncle stood and took a few steps.
_This Morning I'll have a little more of my time, then I'll play.
_To play? He surprised the man.
Uncle said:
_Jugar is like laughing. It is also one of the ways I take care of myself.
"Play is to the body what a good attitude is to the mind. As for the game, I play tennis with friends and going to dive with your aunt.
The man smiled.
_Creo You look like a friend of mine. Not that you have problems in your life, but takes a great attitude. He believes that life is a gamble.
"In the morning, before opening his eyes, always palpated with both hands around. He says that, if not touch the walls of a coffin, you know that the day will be good.
Uncle laughed.
_The Attitude, that's the bet. The way you see life is the best way to take care of yourself. Your perspective is what you sink or you up. And attitude is something we can choose.
"As I get older, and hopefully wiser continued the uncle, I think there are only two basic emotions in life. These two emotions are Love (positive) and Fear (negative). The one is the absence of the other. Surely, all other emotions are but variations of one of those two.
_What You tell me of distress? The man asked.
_The Anguish is nothing more than fear of the unknown replied the man.
"Whenever I stop myself to ignore me realize that I acted out of fear he confessed then-. But when I have chosen to act out of love, I feel cared for , I'm happy.
"So when I make a decision, I wonder:" Is it a decision full of love, or a frightened decision "Decisions taken by fear, whether I realize it or not, usually do not give me good results? he concluded.
The man had to admit that the same thing had happened to him. Uncle resumed the thread of his explanation:
When I make a decision based on love (fearlessness), I feel good, even before knowing the outcome.
"And another way to take good care of myself is to give up some of my time and my money.
_How Can that be an example of how to ignore yourself?
_Porque When I give some of my time and my money, that reminds me I'm not afraid. I think I will always have enough to share with others.
Uncle said, after some thought:
_Y although I see really scared I try not to make decisions inspired by fear. I like that feeling deciding that I will not follow frightened.
The guy made it seem very easy, and the man asked if he ever achieved take care of yourself.
As if he had guessed the concern of his nephew, the uncle said:
_Voy to tell a real case: One of our neighbor, in his youth, was not sure if it suited accept an opportunity that had been offered in New York. Then he sought the advice of an old gentleman whom he admired.
"The old man advised him this:" Go to New York alone. Crossing the country by train, and do not take anything to read or anything to write with . Book a compartment sun for you, and bring you the the waiter. Do not talk to anyone. That's my advice. "
"As I told our neighbor, soon he regretted having asked the old recommendations, but nonetheless did what he had advised him.
"After several days he got bored of looking at the landscape. And what would you say he did then?
_¿Empezar Think? The man asked.
_Naturalmente Replied the uncle. He had stood still long enough to start heeding itself ... time, and the answer came by itself. By the time he arrived in New York, I knew he was interested in taking the job. He did, and had no reason to regret it .
"So the answer had traveled with him all the time.
_Clear. And the old man knew that would eventually find out ...
_When our neighbor took the time to stop and spend some quiet time to himself, he found the best way to take care of himself. And that also helped him take better care of your family. The same applies to us.
"Each of us knows what is good for him. Only we need to stop long enough to ignore ourselves. And now, I guess you know what I'm going to advise you ...
The man smiled and said:
_No know why, but I think also going to make a kind of train trip ... alone.

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF

It had been a week since man was saying goodbye to his relative. But it was not as happy as expected.
He reread the notes taken during the conversation with Uncle important. But he had discovered that one thing was talking about a minute to myself, and quite another to do so.
The man simply had not done.
"Maybe it's because I do not think it will , he thought as he was driving his car. Or maybe because it takes some self-discipline. "
That change was more difficult than anticipated. The man was forced to confess that he did not like the idea. But he also knew that if I wanted to be happy, it was necessary that something changed.
He decided to read his notes again if he could think of something.
Meanwhile, he turned off the radio and began to recall what he had said the uncle.
Somehow suddenly he remembered that Uncle had said that one of the things he did was ...
Simplifying
Uncle had said that sought to reduce all matters to the simplest and most essential truth.
But the man was convinced that life was more complicated than that. At least his own life seemed difficult and complex. So that idea was a constraint.
However, and as it was not possible to re - read the notes and drive at the same time he tried to remember as simple and fundamental as he had told her uncle.
He recalled those ideas on to capture the difference between the desired and necessary, and wait between fantasy and reality enjoy. And he remembered many other things, undoubtedly important part of what it takes to become happy.
Just they do not seem so simple.
"What would be the simplest idea I could use right now?" He asked.
At that moment he was approaching a red disc. Then he smiled. He had remembered what it was that simple idea: stop, glance down and listen. Stop for a minute; wondering how I could take better care of himself; hear the voice of inner knowing, your own wisdom. If he could do that right away.
The man saw that he was not no car, so he waited for a full minute stopped.
Parked there, he asked himself: "What, at this moment, the best way to take good care of myself?"
He listened in silence, waiting for the inner voice.
While contemplating the red light through the dirty windshield, he said: "One of these days I have to bring the car wash."
The man felt better when he had the car clean. In fact, when the car was dirty, unkempt and messy, he also felt a bit like that , but most of the time did not realize it.
The man thought he had long had proposed bringing the car to the car wash, or at least pour water into the windshield washer reservoir. But usually she had other concerns, and I had forgotten.
Meanwhile, still staring at a dirty picture, and he thought he had neglected one of the things that could make you happy.
The man looked through his dirty windshield, he saw that he could continue safely, leaving behind the traffic lights. I knew where to go.
He was surprised that he had not occurred before.
It took time to get close to a service station where he had a car wash, and made to clean up the car and fill out the windshield washer reservoir. He telephoned his wife to know where he had gone and to say that there would come a little later.
When he pulled his best credit card to pay, he was told not accepted. The manager was adamant demand payment in cash.
In the past, a thing at the end of a long day of work would have popped.
But at that moment it felt good. He was happy because he had taken time to do something for himself. And the car was sparkling: had worked well.
The man smiled, paid in cash and walked away, thinking: "It 's amazing that so insignificant as to bring the car clean detail has as much importance."
He looked through the windshield perfectly immaculate and smiled: "I see the world differently when I do good case myself."
Normally, when the man came home he is building up all the fatigue of the day. He took a drink and sat down to watch TV.
That night, however, decided to read a book about a simple relaxation technique to avoid nervous exhaustion.
He had lost the habit of reading, so just toured part of the book. Then he began to watch television with his wife and children. It was relaxing, but boring.
But the next night could finish the book. At first there was a little disappointed because it described a really simple technique.
He doubted that mean something. But few nights later, he found a quiet place and sat on a sofa, with both feet resting on the floor and eyes closed. He began to breathe deeply and slowly.
Then he began to repeat mentally, slowly, the word "no". He tried not to think of any other things but that word: a. She could feel that began to relax you .
When he came to mind another thought, walking away without alarm and kept repeating "one" to himself. And it went on for about twenty minutes.
At the moment, it did not seem that the results were so wonderful. But he repeated this simple method of relaxation, every morning, before leaving to go to work, and every night. Finally, something happened.
He did not realize exactly when it had happened, but noticed that it was much quieter, I felt much less tension in the neck and shoulders. Nervous fatigue was felt less.
He read some passages from the book. The more I studied and used the relaxation method, less stress suffered, and the greater peace of mind.
The following week the man started a business tour. As it was an important trip, he was accompanied by two of his partners.
Boston takeoff was performed with delay. It was expected to be landing in Los Angeles at nine p.m. (at midnight, according to the schedule of Boston). But as the plane took off two hours late, they calculated that arrive at two in the morning of "their" schedule.
Everyone knew how important it was meeting the next morning, so they were eager to get to the hotel to rest. But the airport on the West Coast was under minimal because of the fog. When they began the descent, the man noticed that suddenly the plane gain altitude again.
He later learned that the maneuver was done to avoid collision with another device in the fog. They told them they would have to land in San Diego, about one hundred seventy kilometers away.
He is representing a three - hour bus ride before arriving finally at the hotel. Would be lucky if they could lie down for a while before that important meeting.
The man was exhausted. That was when he did something to take better care of himself.
During the bus trip had been thinking furiously about what happened. If the avió had taken off on time, maybe they would have before it appeared the fog. Or maybe they could have land despite the fog, saving the long journey by road.
He was tired, and realized that he could do well in the meeting. At that time he did not feel well cared for , but quite the opposite.
Then, for a minute, he halted in the course of his thoughts, and wondered if there was a better way to take care of yourself in those circumstances. So he decided to look at the only thing he could control: his thoughts.
He knew that the loss of time was a disappointment, so decided to consider their circumstances differently. And he saw himself, not wasting time on the bus, but with the crashing plane, as might have happened in the midst of this dangerous fog. The man was not difficult to represent a plane crash would have made him lose much more than your precious time. Soon she came to be considered lucky to travel by bus a good, good comfortable.
At that time, during the journey by bus through southern California, he realized what he had wanted to tell the guy.
There was one thing you could do in just a minute ... and that something could change everything.
In a minute I can change my attitude, and at that moment I can change the whole day.
The man had forgotten something he had told the uncle that one of the things that helped him to be happier was to see beyond the bad appearances to find the good in a situation. But the man had rediscovered the simple system to ask yourself the value of a good attitude. And it felt happier.
The man was surprised to be so rested mentally before the meeting. Then I saw that unfolded much better than their exhausted partners, and promised to share with them their knowledge, just in case you wondered. But they did not.
It was a silent victory for him. He had often heard that a proper attitude could be an invaluable aid.
But usually nagged hear things like: "It's sad when the caterpillar says goodbye to life is the same time the butterfly starts life".
Now he realized that those who spoke thus had a point.
Finally he knows the importance of taking the right attitude: I was practicing just that.
But all doubts, the man thought, "That to take a minute to myself really works. I opened the doors of a wiser and deep part of me. "
So he started to do it more often.
One morning the man was in the shower, scratching behind the ear, when he remembered that there was a small eczema that bothered him for months. Occasionally appeared itching, and a source of irritation.
It was what had happened, but he ignored.
Then he stopped for a minute.
He smiled and wondered if there was a better way to take care of himself.
I immediately knew what to do. It was obvious. Only he had never taken the time to do it.
It did not take more than one minute to arrange a visit with a dermatologist, which he attended three days later.
Upon leaving the doctor's office, where he had been forty-five minutes, the man was beginning to feel better about yourself.
Had formulated a diagnosis, effective treatment applied, and the itch was gone. In addition, she had assured him that with several applications, eczema would eventually disappear.
Moreover, he had learned that, by not using harsh chemicals carrying shampoo "wrong" that used to wash your hair, surely the problem would not arise.
He wondered why he would not have begun to take good care of himself long before ... and more often.
Sometimes, however, the man forgot to do that, as we now know, could be good for him.
Consequently, he realized that he would need a disciplined effort to get them to change. And I knew that one of the best systems to change his behavior was repeatedly take a minute to himself, until one day were to become second nature to him.
It would become a way of life better.
He had learned and repeated practice of making high for one minute, several times a day, to better consider what he was doing or thinking.
Then he asked himself: "How could take better care of myself at this moment?".
Then he listened, and usually found an answer.
Of course it took more than a minute, as now understood the man to take good care of himself. But now he saw what he meant Uncle.
"Take me a minute to myself He said to himself, leads me to think better and do things better than before."
I was discovering many ways to take good care of himself, and that made him feel better.
After a short time, the man had changed.
He was happier.
But while the thing worked, you went against observe how often forgot to put it into practice.
That reminded him of the story of the boy who returned from his first day at school, and her mother asked if she had learned many things. The boy replied:
_No ... I have to come back tomorrow.
The man felt something. It was as if day after day had to relearn how to take better care of himself.
I knew then that would have to practice more thoroughly and more often, because it worked.
Yet he wondered how it was possible that it worked so well.

WHY IT WORKS

The weeks passed quickly for him. He'd done what I told the guy, despite his doubts as to whether it would serve for something.
He began to balance your life. He was learning to take care of himself as well as other facets of life, including business and family.
And he was happy as it had not been for a long time.
_Gracias, She said Uncle while coming home from his kinsman. What you told me about how to take care of myself works.
" I start to feel happier and healthier.
"I feel more energetic. Even my mood has improved. Now I enjoy life more.
But he wondered why had turned out well. He raised two questions Uncle:
I assumption felt first, if it works so well, how is that myself and many other people whom I know, we have not discovered before we had to take better care of ourselves? And second, why it works so well?
_To Start with , I will say that was a time when we all knew take good care of ourselves ' said the uncle. When we were kids, we demanded we needed and what we were getting. Among the first words we learned included "mine", "I" and "want".
"Then we started thinking about others. Learned words like "you", "them", "we", "our".
"It 's the natural progression: think first of ourselves, and then going further, think of others. The same applies when we are adults.
"Let me ask you added the uncle. What do you think most of the time?
The man thought a moment, then confessed, a little embarrassed:
_In myself.
Uncle went on
_All think above all in ourselves. It is normal and natural. When we do so without remorse, then automatically we to think of others. But most of us fear behave selfishly.
"When we were young, well - meaning others feared him on our own. They feared that, if we thought too much on ourselves, never arrive to take into account the interests of others. And they knew that such selfishness does not give good results in life.
"So, instead of relying on'd know take care of ourselves and then we would learn to serve others, we imposed that we invested the natural order us to think of others first and we we put us the last, which is like putting the cart before the horse.
"Imagine that the others are" truck "that you have set before you, who are" the horse ". Now try to imagine if you yourself and others llegaríais somewhere with such a provision. Make an effort! Does not it seem to be feeling frustration?
"Can anyone benefit from such a situation? She finished asking the guy.
No he admitted the man. So, if I can not arrange things in their natural order, not advance you anything.
Uncle replied
_Exacto. But on the way of happiness, so to speak, too often we put others ahead and ourselves last. So we do not go very far. We were stuck.
The nephew asked:
Q : If it is natural to think first of ourselves, why we feel guilty in doing so?
_Retrocedamos A bit and consider for a moment our childhood suggested the uncle. Remember how you were drawing a face when you were a kid?
Without waiting for a reply uncle continued
_Fíjate in the drawings that make our children today, and see that the nose is represented with two circles.
-Clear! Laughed the man. When I was little and she looked up to my parents, I seemed tall as pine trees. The nose looked from below as two black holes.
_Y From that perspective we came lot of well - meaning information that descended upon us observed the uncle. What they said up there caused us great impression.
"Often, we said good we thought was good in ourselves. In the final out, who were we?
"In fact, they said so often, I bet you -desafío uncle to his nephew that if I start a sentence can not be let to finish.
'What sentence? The man asked.
Uncle began:
_Pero ... who have believed you ... ...
_ ... you are? He finished the sentence nephew.
_¡Ah! He laughed the uncle. What you heard before? Of course he added wryly I have never said such a stupid my children. No way! There goes another. See if you sound. Is that ... you never think ... anyone else ...
_ ... but yourself? She finished the nephew.
_Naturally! Our parents tried to instill consideration for other people.
"So I guess where we eventually find ourselves when we get always the last.
_In The last man replied with a sigh.
_Yes. Do you remember how you felt young, when you looked forced to postpone your interests before those of others?
The man replied:
_No I liked. I did not like today.
_A Nobody likes -remachó the uncle, if we are honest with ourselves. Child already knew. It is an innate knowledge we all have.
" It is understandable that our parents worry that they might become a little monsters, always trampling on the feelings of others. And so, in their zeal to show consideration and respect for other people, they forgot to tell us that we could have the same considerations to ourselves.
"After hearing a sufficient number of times, we put ourselves we spontaneously at the end of the tail concluded uncle. And after a pause, he asked: _Por way, do you know the effect of Elefante Amarillo?
The man smiled and said
_Todavía no.
_Vas To know, like it or not the uncle scoffed. It will teach you a simple truth about our unconscious mind ... Please repeat after me: "I will not think, I repeat, I will not think of yellow elephants".
The nephew laughed.
_Ni Ever think in a yellow elephant ..., much less in a herd of yellow elephants running through the dusty African plains. Now tell me: what were you thinking?
_In Yellow elephants man smiled.
_Ya You see remarked the uncle. Our unconscious lacks filters. Allows any image to be unreal. Some of our beliefs are no more real than yellow elephants, but that did not stop dancing in our brains.
"What we heard other people enters our mind in the form of images. And when we see and hear something often enough, we tend to believe it.
And Uncle continued, after a brief reflection:
_A often believe at least two things that harm us:
"The first is mistakenly believe that we must put others ahead and ourselves last. The reality is that it takes fairly balance our interests with those of others.
"The second is to believe we do not deserve you think of us; the reality is quite the opposite.
Uncle went on with more passion:
_Now Let's get a little more elevated and optimistic about what should be life perspective. Think about the last few weeks, when you started to take better care of yourself. You were not less angry?
_Indeed! Even my wife and other people have commented to me.
The uncle said:
_The reason is simple:
The more I take care of myself, less resentment and irritation have, and kindest I show myself and others
the uncle said
_No you're so irritated, because finally you spend to do first, what always made more sense for you. You're starting to balance your life, since care of yourself as well as others. That frustration is reduced.
"Not surprisingly, others will Hallen also less irritated. Surely not miss them the blame for what you were doing to yourself.
The man said
_¿Sabes one thing? I think that's really the solution. At least, so it seems lately.
"But how does it work so well the first one - minute man asked. I find it hard to understand how something so simple can be so strong.
Uncle replied:
_A minute to myself is the simple application to modern life of a principle of ancient wisdom.
"It has been described by many people of different cultures throughout the ages, including China, India and elsewhere in the Middle East. Zen philosophers called it the power of self - observation.
" It is a capacity or ability we all have, but few use it . The power of self - observation begins in a moment of silence. With this method, the time is one minute, though of course that's only the beginning of the process.
"In that quiet moment we can begin to see what we're doing ... or thinking. We can see our self.
The man understood:
_Y when we see what we do ... then ... we can change what we have to do it?
_Casi Said the uncle. Actually, not that we can change what we do, but we can choose what we will do, which is even more important.
"We can choose to change or not change. The point is that in a minute can observe our actions or our thinking.
"Then we can choose what will be our next action or our next thought. We can begin to take better care of ourselves. But that's just the beginning.
The man asked
_¿Quieres say that's just the beginning because it starts a broader process?
_Exacto ' Said the uncle. That one minute can introduce each of us in the wider world.
_what world? The man asked.
Uncle said
_Ese world of serenity where you enter is your own inner world, your I . It has also received numerous names throughout history. But, for me, it is as simple as the name I put to him my best . How often you need it , his power (and very powerful) will attend by the simple procedure of shut up and listen to that better.
The man asked
_¿En my best is what I?
_Dentro Of each of us there is a part that knows what is "best" for us. However, modern man, and that includes you and me remarked the uncle, spends long run, ignoring all the warning signs that warn us that we walk derailed and we need to return to our path.
"By taking the time to stop, look and listen to ourselves it is when we discover what is best for ourselves.
"So compensates explained the uncle do something as simple as expressly take a minute to be in the company of our best. During that minute we can begin to see ourselves.
"Every day we are presented with opportunities to care for ourselves and others, just look.
The nephew said
_Esto reminds me of an anecdote.
Uncle smiled. He was pleased that his nephew, it seemed, empezase to take life less seriously.
_Hubo A flood and a man had been isolated on the roof of his house. Many came to offer help, but he refused to leave, saying:
"I am a good man. God will save me.
"But unfortunately drowned - and that itself was a disappointment for him! When he went to Heaven, he complained:
"My God, why did not you save me?
"And God replied,
" I sent a raft, two boats and a helicopter.
"Then God shrugged and added,
" Some people, all one makes them still seems little.
Uncle laughed.
_Very good! When we do not take care of ourselves, everything else will do little to make us happy.
_Debo Admit that, for simple enough, when I do, I get out the best that is within me ' said the man.
_Y When we get the best of ourselves, who we also obtain the best? He kept asking the guy.
_Of others?
_por Course uncle 'he confirmed. In fact, one of the greatest joys that gives me the care of myself resides in the discovery that this is also the best hobble to help others. If I win, we all win. But we'll leave that topic for another day.

SUMMARY: HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF

Man brokered over everything he had heard, reeled own ideas along with your partner.
_Gracias For sharing your wisdom said the younger of the two men. Then she added: Or better yet, help me discover my own wisdom. I have now seen the need to balance the deepest attention to myself and care for others. That makes me feel better.
Then she had an idea:
_Oye, you would not happen to summarize all this in writing?
_Yes I have said the uncle. When I was learning to take better care of myself, I was very useful power reading and rereading my summary.
"Actually, the reason for having put pro remember once writing is what I do when I'm not happy.
"I must warn you that there are still times when I forget to do what I know that might help me help. Then I need peace of mind, because the secret is in action.
The man knew what the guy meant.
_¿Podrías You give me a copy of that summary? He asked. Uncle accepted.
The older man took out his wallet and handed his nephew a card that said:

MINUTE FOR MYSELF

WHAT:
- I balance my life taking care of myself as well as take care of my family, my friends and my business.
- I treat myself as I'd like to try others.
- I make a stop, look and listen.
- I take a minute to myself several times a day and wonder, "Is there for me, at this moment, a better way to take good care of myself?".
- I realize that I have the solution within me. I keep silent and listen to the wisdom of my best self. I let arise.
- Discover what is best and usually do.
- I give myself and receipt of myself.
- I'm happier.

WHY IT WORKS

When I take care of myself as well as others, I'm happier. Because the best care of myself, I'm less irritated with me and with others, and grows within me love.

CARING FOR SAKE OF IT

More than myself.
The following Saturday morning, visiting back to the uncle, the man said:
_No just believe such a big change. Since I've started to take better care of myself, I live happier and peaceful. I have more energy and do my job better. I feel great!
Uncle was glad. But he knew there was something more.
I find _It how well you said the uncle. I felt the same joy the first time she gave me permission internally to listen to me myself.
"But do not you think there 's something else? He insisted the uncle. Do not you think something is missing?
The man was antagonized some Uncle had delved into her happiness, so he asked himself: "Can I do, now, something better than feeling upset?". Therefore he preferred to look at the enthusiasm uncle when he remembered how well it went.
Then it occurred to wonder why the guy had tried to temper his enthusiasm. What else you had to learn?
_Now You say it is true that I feel incomplete ... as if I was missing something the man confessed.
Uncle asked:
-Where you heard anything like it before?
The man recalled his pursuit of happiness and reminded those who had spoken with and who thought only of themselves. They also said he was "incomplete".
Uncle said:
_Yo I just feel complete when I take care of me, you and us that you spoke. Imagine the satisfaction that can produce you eating your favorite dish. But remember this:
think only of myself is like eating everyday favorite dish and the same dish again ... and again ... and again ... and again ... and again ...
_Entiendo understand said the man. That could soon be unhealthy and boring.
Uncle smiled and asked
_Malsano and boring for whom?
_To Me, 'said the man. And then, falling in the account, he added: And also for those around me.
_Entonces, Where do you think that may be the solution? He asked the uncle.
The man had understood:
_A I think that the solution would be to balance caring for myself ... with some kind of attention to others. Or with the same degree of attention, I think.
"The heeding myself, as I have seen in recent weeks, has been very helpful continued the man. I felt more relaxed and happy.
"But I wonder what effect will be exerted on others.
Q : Why do not you attempt to find out? He suggested the uncle.
_How? The man asked.
The guy just smiled and said nothing.
The man responded:
_Quieres to find out for myself. Let's see ...
"Undoubtedly, you take care of yourself. So, I guess I could ask people who know you. So I know what effect it has caused them.
As soon as Uncle suggested, the man knew who was interested in talking: people who dealt with the guy in business and, later perhaps, the specific person who knew him best.
The man stood and said goodbye uncle. He felt that it was time to overcome the mere interest in itself.

CARING FOR IT

The partner's uncle greeted the man in his office.
I _¿Así you want to know why they take good care of yourself affects other people?
He thought: " Of course they go to the point. For something it is the boss. "
_The Uncle you helped me a lot she continued. If I can help you, I will very happy.
"Several years ago he gave an important lesson to many people around here.
"Back then it was the boss of my boss. And frankly, it was a person very uncomfortable treatment.
The man made a gesture of surprise.
_Pero That long ago. Then something extraordinary happened. It became much more treatable.
"And his work, although he had always been good, improved to the extraordinary. None of us could have explained what happened.
"Until we got up the courage to ask. But he, rather than explain it , put questions to us, as if we already knew the answers.
The nephew laughed because I knew what she meant.
_The Uncle asked, "How long you spend to take care of themselves? Do they make more if their work yourselves? "
" We had to admit that not too well we took care of ourselves. We were too busy doing other things.
"Then he told us that he had begun to devote himself more time and attention (at least, as much as anything else, not excepting the family or business). Which surprised us.
Q : Why you surprised? The man asked.
_Porque Had observed that played much better in business. And there was much improved their dealings with others. It was as if would make precisely the opposite of what they told us.
"We explained that the reason for all this was that took care of himself better. Of course, that caught my attention.
"Later he explained that he had discovered that the way to treat others was the same way he was himself. To me he invited me to consider carefully my own relationships.
"I had seen how to take better care of himself improved their relationships with others.
"So I pondered the advice he had given me. I had to confess and admit to myself, I'm too critical of people. And that does not like anyone. The guy you asked me who criticized more. And I admitted: "myself".
"Then he suggested we take better care of myself, and then asked if I knew where he was going to start.
Both the woman and the visitor, already knew the answer.
_Así I started to take a minute to myself. Whenever beginning to blame me for something, I took a minute, simply to stop, reflect and ask: Is there for me ...
The man completed the sentence:
_ ... right now, a better way to take good care of myself?
_Exact. As you know, it's amazing how much it helps making a high, reflect and be the same that question. My relationships with people have improved tremendously, both at work and at home.
_What did you do?
_It Always I am beginning to criticize myself, to a high and considered the damage he was inflicting me. So I decided to replace critical judgments about me by the memory of something nice for myself.
"Only when my behavior seemed unjustifiable really allowed me to censor this behavior, but never myself. When I saw that what one does is not the same as what one is, I found it easier to adopt an attitude of tolerance.
_ And what happened then?
_Que I started to feel better about myself. ... My work improved, both individually and as a team.
_¿Le Was easy? The man asked.
_Al Principle, no. I struggled to adapt to that habit to take a minute to myself. Things did not improve until we actually got into the habit of making a high and take that minute several times a day, every day.
The man asked how many times a day one minute was devoted himself. "Even five times a day do not add more than five minutes , " he said, and decided to make it even more often.
_How Was that improved things for you?
I _When stopped criticizing myself, I also stopped criticizing others.
"From there I started to get along better with co-workers, and things went better. We were getting better results in less time. It was amazing how quickly it happened.
"The event had a great impact, and soon others began to take a minute to themselves. As is evident, they obtained identical results.
_What do you mean? The man asked.
_Our CEO then called us and we announced that we had almost doubled the performance of the department. And he asked what had happened.
"I think when we explained was quite surprised. I just smiled and said
_Bien, since it works ...
"Later we learned that he had also begun to take a minute to himself.
_Why not? He remarked the man. Since I work ...!
Paradoxical assumption felt was that I spent more time heeding myself, and less to ignore others.
"And yet, both the company and the people out benefit. What could be more practical?
After a pause, the woman's uncle said:
_It carnal uncle you, but for us it was like a godfather to tell us what we needed to hear for our own good. And now that many of us take better care of ourselves, the company is on the rise ... And the company is not the only gainer added.
The woman looked around, staring at the spacious office, he opened his hands and continued
_As can you check, take a minute to myself from time to time during the day, was worth it.
Obviously, I was proud of what he had learned.
_Soy Happier in my home and have more success in my work he explained, and all thanks to have learned the most important lessons from his uncle.
"He taught me that the key to taking good care of other people is to help them take good care of themselves. I have this plate on the desk, so I do not forget: One of the best ways that I can help others is to help them take better care of themselves and reward them when they do. The woman said _From I realized this fact so obvious, I encourage those who surround me (from my husband to my partners in the company) to take better care of themselves. "In this house, the best work we we serve ourselves. _ And how? He asked the visitor. _Digamos That everyone has their personal goals, like wanting more energy, or a better figure, or more playfulness. Before starting the daily work, everyone does something for himself. "It may be a little sport, or take a vitamin. The case is to do something special to take care of oneself. "No matter what you do in this regard. The important thing is the wonderful feeling that occurs realize that one is doing enough case itself and that one is placed first. Each of us is at least as important as his work. Of course, during the day we too often take a minute to ourselves, either to achieve a more advantageous perspective, either to regain balance if we have been thwarted by a difficulty. It 's amazing how fast it helps to see clearly what is at stake. "I have learned that, for me, worth encourage others so they know to take better care of themselves. "But when I really learned to take good care of myself, I see myself in the best way I know to care for others. _How is that? The man asked. The woman replied: _ Why do not you ask my husband?

WHY IT WORKS

The chimes rang noon on the clock in the square when the man arrived at the studio of the artist. Business woman had phoned her husband and he had invited to lunch our man.
The painter, who had just taken off his robe, he brought fresh fruit and sandwiches.
_Celebro His visit said the artist. To explain how that if you do work, I will have an opportunity to review myself to the beauty of that principle.
"It's curious! Since I decided to practice what my wife encouraged me to do, that is, start taking care of myself, others have begun to tell me I'm treating them better. I have thought a lot about this issue.
"I did what my wife suggested me because I knew she did more case itself and could see the effects that made him.
"At first I did not feel well, because he feared me relegated. But then I realized it also was more attentive to me than usual.
"Soon I was the first to say:" Hey! You should take care of yourself more often. It's great".
"That made me wonder why people who take better care of herself also favors those around them.
"Once I consulted my uncle ideas with you, and he agreed with me.
"When we succeed in attending to our own needs, we are happy with ourselves. From that moment we want to turn our attention to others. Not that it is our duty to do, but we want it . It does us good.
"This is how we can encourage others to take better care of themselves, and reward them when they do. That pleases them.
"Everyone likes to be around people who take good care of themselves, and receive permission (as if they really were necessary) to take good care of themselves.
The man asked
_¿No it difficult sometimes to remember to let others take care of themselves ... especially if you are wanting is actually lend their attention to you?
_Así Happened before, until I realized a monumental advantage for me.
_¿Una Advantage for you? He asked the visitor
_Yes. An advantage of the most practical.
_Pero What are you talking about? He strange visitor.
The artist stood and, feigning a fit of inspiration, painted the answer in a fabric. Then he turned it over to the man to see.
All words, except one, were painted in black. The latter was underlined and painted in red. He said:
When people take good care of themselves, they are happier with themselves and also with me.
The man said
_No had occurred to me. But you are right. My uncle, for example, is much nicer to me than usual.
I _Piénselo Is not been happening since his uncle began to be kind to yourself? He asked the painter.
_Yes Admitted the man. So, if I want other people to treat me better, I encourage them to be treated better themselves. Because the better you do, the better they treat others. Magnificent.
_It is. So we benefit ourselves, actually, when we help others to do more themselves if to help them make the best of them is revealed. So you can enjoy your best self.
"My wife was smart enough to know that . And since she taught me to do, my life has changed a lot. And therefore her life too.
"When we take care of ourselves, really do our best to take good care of others he concluded the artist.
The man thought for a moment and replied:
_Esto reminds me of a seemingly trivial incident that happened to me yesterday, but that made me understand the importance of what just said.
_What happened? He asked the artist.
He _había come to buy. Orders were family. However, I also myself and if I bought a new cassette. I loaded everything in the trunk, I got into the car and drove home. It was late and he wore a hurry.
"As soon as I left the hypermarket I realized that I really wanted to hear my new casette, but that would have been necessary to stop and open the trunk, and I thought I had no time. It was late and my family waiting for me at home.
"Then I realized that I was missing apoco to experience the feeling of having dedicated the day to the other. So I asked myself:
"Is there now a better way to take good care of myself?
"I will not take me long to know what it was. So parked on the hard shoulder, I opened the trunk, took out my new casette, I broke the seal and loaded it into the car radio cassette. Then I pulled back toward my house, very happy, listening to my music.
_Deje To guess what happened , 'he interrupted the artist. While returning home, he was happy, he was in a good mood.
"If instead of stopping he had continued at full speed once again he would have been convinced that he was doing more for other than right themselves. And he would come home in a foul mood.
_It Nephew admitted the truth. I would have felt like a victim.
And he laughed, as if to ward off such nonsense himself.
The painter continued
_Voy to keep guessing. As if you did yourself, even if in so trivial as to hear his new music detail, it became happy and energetic home. And not only he wanted to see his family and was in a better mood, but they, who warned as soon as you peeked in the door, they also had a joy. And so all spent together the happy and satisfied afternoon.
The man was surprised.
_How do you know that?
_Yo Myself have had that experience. Not exactly the same, but the feeling is the same will I clarify the artist. You are like many others who are learning this new system.
"You are learning that by taking better care of himself, actually makes them a great gift to those around him: a happier and more treatable.
"And talking about taking good care of himself ... He interrupted the artist, giving a glimpse into the picture she was painting.
The man smiled and said
_Comprendo. You want to go back to his painting, and I'm leaving.
"Now I understand better how to take good care of myself is also the best way to care for others. It is the solution that satisfies everyone.
"I thank you do much for other as to devote part of their time. It has been a great help.
The man shook hands and said goodbye painter. I wanted to write as soon as possible a summary of what he had just learned, not wanting to forget him.
The man already had decided where to go.
SUMMARY: HOW TO TAKE CARE OF IT
While away from the studio, the man understood how important it was to think, really think about others.
It seemed that he had always been considerate people. In fact, usually it cared more about what he might think of others, what he thought of himself. It was the opinion of others about him what more he worried.
Now he understood that what mattered was not what others thought of him, but what they thought of themselves.
He realized that it was very urgent that others learn to feel better about themselves, because that would help them feel less irritated; which it meant, at the same time, less angry with him.
The man stopped in front of another disk in red.
This time saw things differently. Well he understood understood that his interest was in making other people also make a stop to take better care of themselves.
Otherwise, they collide with him and would hurt ... though perhaps not have intention to do so.
At that time the man had an inspiration itself: he thought that rather than simply encouraging people close to him to do a high and stop to take care of themselves, would reward them when they did.
Every time his wife or his child to stop and discover a better way to take care of themselves, he would reward them with praise.
He parked the car at the curb to take notes, taking advantage of the ideas were still fresh in his mind.

CARING FOR YOU: SUMMARY

- The you is the one that is within you. You and I are basically the same. Remembering this helps me to help you take better care of yourself.
- I know the best care of yourself is so convenient for you as the best care of myself it is for me.
- There are many different ways for me to help you .
- One of the best ways that I have to help you take care of yourself is to encourage you to do it . Because if you do, you'll be happier.
- When you are happier, others (among whom I include myself) feel happiest when they are with you.
- The best thing is to show by example how good it is for me and those around me that I stop to take better care of myself.
- I feel balanced and responsible when I help others to take better care of themselves. And when I'm there to help them do so.
When you take care of yourself better, you (as I do ) aid also take good care of others.

CARING FOR OUR WELL

RELATION TO EACH OF US NEED
Walking in the company of her aunt, as she was called uncle and everyone who knew her, brought back many memories to man. He still remembered the cakes she made when she went to visit with her parents.
But the nephew did not remember Aunt and Uncle were a well - matched couple.
_Tía, It seems that you and the guy you get along very well right?
She turned while walking and said
_Yes, that's right .
He seemed to be savoring his thoughts. Then he interrupted his meditation and added:
_Pero you know ?, was not always so. Remember? Maybe you were too young.
"There was a time when he was too busy with his business. And I guess I was too busy taking care of children. We did not pay much attention to each other. And, of course, we took care of ourselves too.
"We were both disappointed in our relationship: what in store for us, it was not what each of us had wished.
_What She wanted each of you? He asked the nephew.
_Pues ... Everything! Each wanted the other take care of him, participate in their sorrows and joys, feeling free and tied at the same time, not feeling judged, be respected, namely that although things were not always well beyond discussions return to love, be present when the other needed help, get care, to be loved.
He walked in silence. Then he continued:
_ I guess we wanted the same dreams most couples. Each of them wanted to support, care and encouragement from the other. Or, I guess, to feel that you cared to another.
"A great she added relationship, I'm sure you know, is a wealth of wonderful things.
"At first I thought that each wanted the other more than himself. It seemed something magnificent. But that impression did not last.
"Then he began suffering. We did not want to admit it , so we spent most of our time to keep us busy, but I can not remember well what.
"And just when it seemed that everything was going to sink, our life improved.
_What happened? He asked the nephew.
_Pues Just do not know. But something happened to him. At first he tried to downplay. He said he had settled down, nothing more. I did not want to tell me what was due the change that had come over him.
_Pero You, aunt, you find out.
She smiled and said:
_¡Vaya if I found out! And much more than that. He made a simple thing, thanks to which many of the major aspects of our relationship became more like what I had expected each of us.
"Then I learned to do the same also he added. I guess I should start at the beginning.
The nephew was pleased. He suspected that the ride would be long.

CARING ABOUT US

As they walked, he asked Aunt one thing he wanted to know for a long time:
_How can see my basic needs met in a relationship?
The aunt replied
_Puedes see some very important needs met ..., like romance, tenderness and affection. But not the primary needs ... how to be happy. So you must take care of yourself.
"As soon as any of us seeks to satisfy their basic needs through a relationship begins pain, suffering. And then we believe that the fault of the other person.
" I remember a time when the uncle and I esforzábamos us a lot in ignoring each other. But whatever we do, it never seemed enough. Instead he said , smiling now I feel well cared for .
_How Care you uncle?
_Now Occupies much of me. Listen to me, brings me occasionally flowers with sentimental dedications, helps me when I'm upset, I sincerely apologizes when he realizes that he has offended me, plays and laughs with me ... Now she does many things that previously did.
"Since he learned to take better care of himself, he also takes better care of us as a couple she added.
"Actually, of all the attention you have for me, the most appreciate is that it helps me to take care of myself.
The man was silent, and after a while asked
_¿En how Uncle helps you to get it ?
_me Ask things like: "What you do for yourself today, dear" He knows that if I do not take good care of myself, sooner or later discover some reason to be angry with him ... if only because it is the person who I have more hand ... and although actually be angry with myself.
"And I take good care of myself, he knows that I enjoy more with everything, which also includes to him.
"The guy knows that our attention and our communication are what makes our relationship. He knows that we need others as well as ourselves, to feel balanced and happy.
"So he says, for example:" I want you and I are happy about how well you take care of yourself, baby. And tell me if you can help on something. "
"You will understand that with education we have received, he knows that hard for me to think first about myself. So it helps me do it.
"At first it seemed like I give permission to do so. Now I realize that was a help from you. You do not need anyone 's permission to take care of myself.
"Now I know it was and remains a matter solely mine. He has helped me understand the. And, of course, he enjoys the results as I do . So, the more you do for myself, the happier it gets.
_How is that? He insisted the man.
_Porque, When you take good care of myself , 'she said with renewed energy-, I feel really alive and is more fun to be with me. And Uncle likes that.
And what do you do, aunt, when he does not look at you, when you feel left out?
_When I think nobody answers me, I feel abandoned. But then I I attend myself. I do a little something unimportant, but they may serve me to feel better, like taking out an electric blanket, adjust it to a comfortable level and have it ready for when you go to bed.
"The sensation produced by the electric blanket is comfortable and welcoming she -river. I guess she added that it is like returning to the heat of the womb.
"Or I put a flannel bed set, to get the same feeling of warmth and protection.
"The question is not demand that anyone who continually treats me. I attend to myself as I can.
"And I take care of myself creating a pleasant and beautiful environment around me, because the environment affects me a lot.
_A Me too , ' said the nephew.
_Recuerdo I once saw photographs of landscapes of the Caribbean, and inspired me a wonderful feeling. So I used those colors to decorate our room. I used the peach, straw and blue twilight, sand and sky on pillows and carpets. It is more than a decoration, but really uplifting.
"However, when I do best if myself is when I create a beautiful interior landscape. Actually, I have come to learn uncle one thing that has helped me more than any other to improve my relationship with him. We continually teach this to each other:
Even more than I care to be loved being a lover.
_Antes Believed that being loved was the most important thing in the world said the aunt. However, at that time I was very unhappy.
_No Understand said the man. I also think that being loved is very important.
Aunt came and asked
_Dime one thing: do you ever felt in your life sufficiently loved by someone?
Wanting to respect their privacy, aunt did not wait for the answer, and continued:
_MI desire to be loved or worse, my need to be loved, faced with a very strong disadvantage.
_Which?
_Que Desire or need to be loved someone completely dependent on external and alien to myself.
"As did not know then what I know now, I stopped myself to ignore. He simply attributed this role to the other person. And the paradox was that I did not take care of myself in the most important aspect of life: love!
"Like most people, I wanted to be loved and had some mental image of what that feeling should mean to me. Then he is comparing that mental image with what the other person showed to me. I think it was like giving unconsciously a rating.
The man smiled and said:
amazing _It see how many times suspended.
_What Suspended? Who? Aunt asked emphatically.
He thought for a moment.
Aunt continued:
_It always I focused on my need to be loved by another person, would soon feel abandoned.
He had a sudden intuition.
He did not understand how it had not occurred to him before. He spoke slowly, as was ordering ideas:
_Y when you do not feel loved, begins to act unkindly.
_por Course -corroboró the aunt. As I thought it was unloved, I felt offended, and then I locked myself inside myself or attacking others.
_Y By acting in a not nice way, more difficult that nobody wants observed him.
The more I thought about what I was hearing, more clearly beginning to see him another way of love.
_It Possible that there is a better way to take care of myself said.
Aunt laughed with the gaiety of a happy person, and said
_Now spend less time trying to be loved by others and love them more time to them. I learned so much about Uncle care of myself, I am now able to help you take better care of himself. And so we enjoy each other 's company more.
_ What do to help take care of the guy?
_Muchas Things said the aunt. For example, sometimes when being too hard on yourself, I remember that you should take better care.
"I know I feel better when I accept my self, and so encourage the guy to do the same. I remember that the more we accept ourselves, the more we enjoy ourselves and others.
_ And how you take it?
_Casi Always accepted well, and it shows, because then begins to be better, which makes you feel happier.
"Sometimes, however, it is shown stubborn, but just saying something like:" It would be better rented a saddle and I tie her to the back. I would feel much more comfortable! "
" Naturally, as soon as we laughed, or at least when we smile, things start to get better ..., first for himself and then for us as a couple she concluded.
The man liked being in the company of her aunt. He exuded satisfaction and made him feel satisfied in turn.
But once again, he felt the need to put the idea into question, so he said:
_Supongo that sometimes what you want to do for the good of yourself collides with what he wants.
He was surprised to hear the hostility in her voice and a little ashamed of having spoken in such terms. But I needed to know.
_por Course, 'said she. But that can always happen. As the guy says: "The truth is that, sooner or later, people always does what he wants with it, for what we deceive".
"If you abandon and against your own interest, you do what you want the other person, sooner or later you will be born in resentment. And then, it's only a matter of time before you, consciously or unconsciously, find a way to get even with the other person.
"I know it sounds terrible, but it's true the aunt added. When you neglect your own interests in favor of another (especially if you do it without realizing it), the issue festers and usually make things worse.
"So it is preferable to avoid future serious problem ignoring ourselves right away.
"That got through communication and negotiation, Manea we can both get what we need.
The man noted:
_Así the whole thing is to feel good about oneself, as a priority, but that does not completely contented the other person ... for now. And then when you feel happy and calm you will be right with the other person.
_Yes Said to aunt, and that is very important: if you're okay with someone else, I Show him.
"So you will act in the best interest of it, which is what it suits him
" When Uncle encourages me and supports me to take care of myself ... in many ways I show how I appreciate it .
The man asked, as if he seems too good to be true:
_Pero undoubtedly conflicts should occur. What do you do then?
Aunt nodded and said:
_all that does not mean that they will not be conflicts. Of course there are. But when you ignore yourself honestly, like the other person is more serious future conflicts with that person avoided.
"Uncle and I have conflicts. While not always fall the other person to take care of herself. Sometimes when we feel a little insecure we feel as if we were excluded.
"But in the midst of such a feeling of insecurity, often fall back us to ask:" Is there for me, at this moment, a better way to take care of myself "
" In doing so, we often realize that the other person is doing just what I needed to do, and then come back to us feeling better ... with herself and with us.
"Uncle and I have a happy relationship , ' said the aunt. Each of us has found a great way to take care of himself. And I think that we really appreciate the other help to do so. We like each other as we are when we are with each other.
The man said
_Esto reminds me of what the poet Elizabeth Barrett Brownig wrote: "I love you, but not so much for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you".
Aunt clapped his hands and remarked:
I _¡Qué else can I say!

WHY IT WORKS

It had been almost two months since man visited her aunt, and had already begun to implement what they learned.
_me Glad to see the uncle said when he came, once again, his favorite nephew. I've heard that some time ago you had a nice walk and a long talk with the aunt.
_Cierto Said the man. It's a great person!
_I agree. It's a great woman , ' said the uncle. Did you learn anything from it? I was always taught me something.
The nephew said
_He known that, according to her, there is now a great relationship between you two.
_It Truth ' said the uncle. But maybe he told you that he had not always been so.
_Indeed. What he told me encouraged me to change my behavior towards my wife and my children, and I must admit that we all get along better now.
"But I'm not sure I understood the man added. How is it possible that the fact that a person cares more about herself serve to improve relations? I always figured that was a kind of selfishness and would create difficulties.
The uncle said
_Permíteme explain with an example from your own life. You said you from your talk with Aunt you had begun to change behavior with your family. Could you tell me in what way have you changed?
_Yes ' Said the man. The other evening I came home very tired after a hard day at the office.
Both men smiled at this phrase.
_Entonces, A small detail was about to spoil the afternoon.
_What happened? He demanded the man.
_Yo Wanted to be received, upon entering, so that made me feel welcome.
Uncle guessed:
_Pero no such thing happened.
_Good! She cried the man. Good host anything. My wife barely greeted me.
"So I went out again in a very bad mood. No doubt he was too tired to react that way, but as I was mentally reliving the scene, I realized that deep down I was feeling sorry for myself.
The man smiled and continued:
_Entonces asked me: "Is there for me a better reaction?" After which I remembered that, although my wife I would not have greeted with much enthusiasm, had at least said: "Hello dear" and not "Hello , there you rot. "
Uncle burst out laughing.
_¿Llegaste To hear what the "dear"?
_Yes. And that made me feel better. We ended up spending a very pleasant evening at home.
_How did you do it?
I _Recordé what Aunt said: "Even more than being loved, I mind being lover". So I decided to take better care of myself showing me lover, instead of demanding to be loved.
"I thought that would do to feel better. So it was. I went in and gave him a hug, saying he was glad to be home, and he loved her. And what if you liked it ! Then he said he felt so tired ...
_ ... after a long day of work interrupted the uncle with a smile.
_Exact. Surely she had not taken good care of herself that day.
"I'm still amazed concluded the man of how well this works, the important difference it makes to our happiness.
Uncle sentenced:
_The key to a good relationship is balance. And you just show by example.
"That means he remarked that we should not demand that the other person think of us all the time. You showed him to give up your claim about how you wanted to be received ... and your self - esteem. And so you got rid of disgust.
The uncle added, after a moment's reflection:
insurance _Estoy that you realize that last night's incident could easily degenerate into a serious conflict. That's what happens when a person, or worse, two people do not take good care of themselves.
The man said
_Así, everything works better when both take good care of themselves and when each helps the other to do so.
_Great! Said the older man. You are beginning to understand one of the main ways of establishing a great relationship with another person.
The man said:
_To me, the key is to start by establishing an excellent relationship with myself.
_Yes Said the uncle. I do not forget me, when I still know that great truth, my life was a real failure.
"I felt I had no case. Not even myself. And nobody knew, because he used to hide my feelings.
" I remember that I did something he had never done before, and I hope not to repeat.
_¿El What? The man asked.
_por Reasons not fully understand ' said the uncle, I ended up thinking it was unable to love or be loved.
"I used to stay in bed for days, convincing d that was just a little tired. But now when I look back on that time, I realize that he was suffering from depression. It was not me that being depressed. I have always considered myself an optimistic person.
The visitor smiled and said
_¿Quieres say that being depressed was not on your list of activities?
_Never.
Q : Why were you depressed?
_Eso Is the most interesting. He had no reason to be. The business went well. He had a nice home and a family. He was not sick. I had no problem, at least none that I had noticed. Gradually, as the years went by , I was experiencing more often this need to get into bed ..., always with the excuse of rest, and understand me ... Actually, it was a way to escape.
_Escapar, What? The man asked.
The older man paused, and he turned off the brightness of the eyes.
_de Myself ... It was not the affection of others what I really needed.
"So much affection he received from others, it was never enough. Not me calaba me.
_ And what it was that you needed?
_Antes Of being loved by others ' said the uncle, he needed to be loved, not for others but for myself.
The man asked
_How learn to love yourself?
Assumption felt tried, but could not love myself said the uncle. So I learned to appreciate me . It was a matter of starting step by step.
_How Get out of bed? The man asked
Uncle smiled and said
_Yes, like getting out of bed. I remember one day I was lying there, fatigadísimo and believing he had rested an eternity. Then I asked simply: "Is there for me, right now, something better to do?"
_¿Fue And did your simple method?
_Yes. He was born when things were going so badly that even the "old self" realized he had hit bottom ... Now I stop added the uncle and I get that question quite often, without waiting to have bottomed out .
_ What did you do then? He asked the nephew.
Uncle replied:
_A ancient Chinese proverb says that you can not take hot freshly brewed tea in a cup full of cold and tasteless tea. Things can only get better when you stop doing what does not work.
"So I started to stop doing what I was no good at all. I got out of bed. And then, whenever I felt the temptation of "rest", I asked myself if there would be a better way.
_Evidentemente, You found it commented the nephew - And what did you do for yourself?
Uncle asked
you _¿Recuerdas our conversation during your first visit? Well, nephew. That 's what I did. I started to take better care of myself. I realized it was the right thing, or else my difficulties would worsen.
"I started to do for me some of the things we talked about during your first visit.
"By putting evidence in such a simple thing as take a minute to myself, and in doing so assiduously, I started taking, in their own interest, another kind of decisions.
"And as was taking care of myself as well as other aspects of my life, things started to go better. And then also they improved relations between the aunt and me.
The man still seemed hard to believe.
Uncle sensed their doubts and asked
_Imagina what you would feel if you asked a hug to a person you wanted. Imagine that you are doing right now and describe to that feeling.
_Good. He said the man is nice.
Uncle replied:
_In fact, it's a good thing that embrace one occasionally. Now imagine that person refuses to hold.
The man looked surprised.
_Rejected. Offended he said trying to figure it out . And then he added:
_Irritado.
He paused, adding quickly:
_A Sometimes I feel so at home.
_Already. Indeed, who should be loving you?
The man was silent, and then admitted:
'I same
_Naturalmente said the uncle. So we feel much better when we stop and fell silent to listen to our better ... he concluded uncle -. It's like giving ourselves a perfect embrace.
Then the guy asked
_When you have not embraced yourself enough, it 's worth another person hold you more often, or more affection, or ...?
The man began to understand where this was going Uncle:
Never, never have enough of what we need. When I do not care about myself -comprendió the man, I see my basic needs met. Then I demand to others only do what I can do, so never do enough.
"Like the others can not meet my needs, my relationships with them are always problematic -dedujo man.
Uncle said
_Estás learning fast. Had you ever wondered why that approach did not work?
So, I can not have a wonderful relationship with another person without having it myself said the nephew.
You _¿Sabrías say the same expressing it in a more positive way?
The man smiled.
_The Most important relationship I have is that I have never myself now.
_Excellent. And now, how do you think this applies to a relationship between two people?
_Now That I think he said the nephew, I can not have a wonderful relationship with another person until you have it myself and until she has herself.
Uncle asked
_How would express that idea so that you and your loved ones pudierais learn the lesson?
The man thought for a bit and then said: Can
we have a wonderful relationship together when I and thou have me have you.
_¡Ahora Yes you understood!
Then Uncle introduced a wakeup call.
_Pero, Would you be able to enter into a commitment to yourself and your family?
" I remember when Aunt asked me for a commitment to my family. We had disagreements and I was not sure I want to commit to anything.
"The commitment she asked me was not only fidelity in marriage, but much more.
_¿A Did you have to commit?
Uncle said
_Me asked not abandon them ... not to leave them, nor cast forth to her, whatever happened ... or irritated or frightened that I could be. In a word, he asked me to jeopardize me not run away from myself.
Uncle continued, after thinking a bit.
_Dijo That if I accepted, she would not flee herself. Or if he did ... if it ... a decision, promised herself and return to us as soon as he could.
The man understood:
_Así therefore, the understanding was that each of you promised to take good care of himself. And a good way to do that was not run away from his own self.
The guy smiled and said
_Supongo hold your wife see you tonight.
After a pause he said:
_He enjoyed your visits in recent months. Talking to you has helped me to realize how different my life, compared to the time when he was so unhappy.
"I find it strange she added remember those times when things were otherwise.
Uncle looked as happy and at peace with himself.
The man felt very comforted. He knew his life could get to be that good someday.
In fact, he had already begun to be. He lacked but doubts away to know the time to act in the sense that, as was discovering, worked best for him and his family.
_Visítanos Anytime -propuso uncle -. I want to know if things continue to improve in your family, you strive together as you take care of yourself.
"If so, is another important thing that maybe should know you and your family, and your friends and acquaintances.
When the uncle had left, the man summed up in a few notes the points that seemed most important.
Then he went to the backyard to fire them both, uncle and aunt.

SUMMARY: CARING ABOUT US

To have a better relationship with others I should be remembered that:
- When we have taken good care of ourselves, we can show our best to others and vice versa.
- If we consider a relationship through the prism to satisfy our basic needs, we will suffer the pain of disappointment.
- As we serve ourselves, we can move to accommodate us mutually. So we will be more friendly and amenable toward one another.
- For me, more important than being loved it is to be lover.
- When each of us take good care of yourself, we may have a little conflict now, but we avoid much more serious and serious for later conflicts.
- Our commitment is to not run away from ourselves, but each of us must take good care of yourself and so too each other.
- Can we have a wonderful relationship together when I have it with me and you shall have with you.

THE WORLD IS BENEFITING
THE GLOBE: STARTS WITH ME PEACE

He had told the man that if he wanted to learn something very important, again talk to the guy. And he did. Many things had happened during the last three months, he had learned a lot.
Upon receiving the salute of his relative in the study of it, he saw shelves full of books and a globe in the corner.
He recalled that during his first talk, Uncle had supported his hand on the globe and had told others - those who benefited as much as he ignoring themselves- they could be members of their family, or a stranger another continent.
I _Empiezo to understand that taking care of myself can bring peace ' said the man.
Uncle smiled.
_How What you discovered?
_Porque I realized that when I take care of myself, I'm not angry. I feel peaceful. Now I understand that peace is the absence of anger and the presence of love ... especially for myself.
Having reflected, the man added:
_MI wife and children have noticed a big improvement in me: I'm much calmer.
"And when they saw the effect it had me take care of myself, I was asked to teach them how to take better care of themselves. Now we all carry each other better ... And our family is happier man he concluded.
_Así Seems ' said the uncle. Now maybe you are in a position to understand this:
When all the world 's people take better care of themselves, everyone will feel better care, and perhaps then, at last, we can begin to care more about each other.
_No Is mere idealism said the uncle. It is practical sense ... the same thing for you and your family.
The man asked skeptical
_A person who is a victim of poverty and injustice , what can be done in just a minute?
_No I know, because I'm not that person said the uncle. But if you really makes a stop, look and listen to the best part of himself, herself discover it.
He is knowing that his nephew had the answer within himself, the uncle asked
_¿En what time it is more important that we take care of ourselves ...? When things are going well or when they go wrong?
_When We go wrong replied the man. You may not have arrangement, so that does not detract us a favor rather than ourselves.
Uncle nodded
_What often make us happier: do great things or do little things for ourselves?
The man replied:
_To inexhaustible my surprise, small things ... like changing attitude.
_Estoy According -aseveró the uncle. You may find it almost impossible to change the external conditions, if they are so terrible. But each of us can change their internal conditions.
And then, after a pause, he asked:
_¿Hay any reason why that person to take better care of herself, to do little things for herself (regardless of status) feel less irritated with herself and more happy and peaceful? And a less angry person, would not it be ideal to take better care of others?
"So, would not the world be a better place if we, especially those who are in difficulties, atendiéramos ourselves a little more?
The man thought for a while, and finally understood:
_de So you're not saying that they will resolve all the problems of the world. But if all humans take better care of themselves, regardless of what they chose to do, the world would be a better place. There would be less anger among people.
Uncle agreed:
_Yes. Not that this is the absolute choice, but we are all better served when each of us takes better care of himself. When we did, we feel the desire to cooperate. And that means "co-operate", to work together. I operate with me and you operate with you. It is the most perfect in freedom and responsibility.
"When people take that responsibility to take better care of themselves and not depend on both organizations, which can not be trusted too much."
Uncle entered a reservation:
_Hemos to balance the need to help people who may need our help temporarily, to help them discover how to take better care of themselves.
"Indeed, a certain group of people is planning to build on the west coast of the United States a statue to serve as a counterweight to the Statue of Liberty.
"The Statue of Response Capacity will be dedicated to the power we all have to react to what is best in us ... in order to ensure our personal freedom.
The boy's face lit up .
_Yo Had always considered the responsibility as something I do not really like, but I could not remove me . Now I see that, basically, is an ability to react to the world in which I live. I like that. And now I see this other evidence ...
the man had understood and spoke slowly:
_The peace begins with me.

OFFERING

Alone at home, many months later, the man pondered all he had learned.
Although still seemed to be wonderful that everyone improved, he had accepted the immediate challenge of improving their own world, their internal conditions.
Instead of trying to change the world, or the people around him, he changed himself. And I was happier.
He had learned to balance your life.
At first he worried that taking care of yourself out egocentrism. Now he realized that selfishness was not to take care of himself. Because this is creating many problems himself and others.
He had discovered the serenity resulting attend the I, You and Us with equal consideration.
To all this, the man added his own vision.
He had managed to see life as something appealing, having learned not only care dispensed himself but also to give care to others.
The easier it gave himself and accepted it , the more giving to others. He had learned to take care of himself so well and so often as others.
Educated in the belief that it was better to give than receive, he experienced some difficulty in receiving.
Perhaps it was easier to give, because when he received did not control the situation.
But now he had managed to balance giving and receiving.
He realized that does not receive anything, can not give anything.
And so he learned to give himself and to be himself. It felt peaceful.
He had discovered the wisdom that others knew along time: the answer is within me.
He liked the concept of his uncle, the better. He always resorted to find their happiness.
However, the man had invented another name for it. A quiet and knew that part of himself liked to call it intuition. When it was realized that if that intuitive part of himself, taking better decisions.
He also realized that this intuition had nothing to do with the ego, with selfish personality, and thought: "When I lose that ego, I find the best, I find myself".
He knew only giving effect to this self - centered, domineering, came into contact with a larger force. Perhaps it was that same power that many people call "God": that God who was inside was the part of him much wiser than himself.
Call him and call him the man knew he had found a spring full of strength, which could trust.
The minute he gave often to stop, look and listen, quietly took him to the best part of me. I knew that it would continue discovering more things.
And that was just the beginning.
Then the man heard a car coming down the path. His family had just arrived. He liked seeing his wife and two children.
He knew he had made a great sacrifice to his family, offering his best. His family was happier with him and better herself Avenue.
The same happened to people who worked with him.
Their relations had improved both at home and in professional life.
As he walked to greet his family, he reminded people who had shared with him his secrets: the colleague uncle, her husband the artist's aunt and, of course, Uncle ...
Each of them had their best same.
He had been taught to balance your life by the method of giving to and receiving from himself and others.
He congratulated himself for having taken many notes during learning. What was written could share with others.
Actually, it was not that he had learned many new things because most of what was discovered, interestingly, a confirmation of what I already knew.
What was new was to have found, in the middle of a busy world, the way to practice what I knew was convenient for him. It was easy, but it worked!
He had discovered the secret of balance.
By way of thanksgiving for the people who had helped him, and also to take good care of himself, he made a promise:
I want to share the offering of my best self, myself and other people.
END

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[ 7 ]

What to do when you get a bad boss? (I)

It matter the actual definition of good or bad? What it really is how it impacts the perception you have of your boss in your performance and results for the company.
I had not stopped to write about this issue if it were not for the great harm in the relational-organizational fabric that generate certain attitudes, from who is supposed to give honor to that of being 'chief.
Here are two different types of attitudes that cause however the same level of malaise, listlessness and apathy in people:
At first it may be to 'liberating' the feeling that one has autonomy and space to also personal things and make a decision . But there comes a time when decisions can not wait and start to generate uncertainty about what is going on . 'Who is in charge'? and eventually 'Why do I have to charge always work the boss if you do not pay me to be the head'? ... heard by the offices. Hence frustration is a step. This happens because the boss - responsible - not when it has to be. And you may not be for several reasons: because they want to be (he was a former salesman and prefers to continue visiting clients) or because the gym or other personal care require it (attention: do not talk about scheduled trips or meetings of high strategic value, since these are part of their work). I talk about their personal decision to prefer not to be, if a manager does not manage or be a leader who does not lead. The one who let troubleshooting and solutions rests with the team for 'default'. The one who creates a leadership vacuum that no computer can replace. And when he finally comes the problem, he tells you 'do what you see fit, but solve it '.
§ 'The boss who has no idea of the business'
Imagine a 'family business' and put the child, who has no idea of the business or just out of college and ego blurs your vision bears the name, the master and dad covers the economically, which does not want understand very 'soft' to deal with them (they neither were taught in college!) aspects. Even bears 'diplomatic immunity' to criticism, since the father could jump to his defense against any attack. And to make it worse, begins to make decisions that go against the grain of the culture, the unwritten rules and customary business practices.
Here are several possible alternative courses of action for each of the two attitudes mentioned above:
1. If the head does not act as boss:
§ If you have to make decisions, follow him doing (someone else's will possibly viewing) and alert them to others thou shalt take, so that the rest do not feel confused and frustrated by the boss never is;
§ Do not worry about the technical aspects, sure you know more than he / she the matter. He / she knows that neither has any moral authority to rebut any technical decision had taken, from the moment that was not present;
§ Try to get support and allies to say, emphasizing clearly that the team needs his guidance and direction, your feedback and support their decisions and information to achieve better results (tip - take care of your skin: be gentle with their behavior and hard with the negative impact that occurs on the computer);
§ You are free !, remember, to make the decision to leave, to be the protagonist of your life, tell us what you think ( 'rock the boat'), let your attitude and get the cobwebs to your CV ... but if you still decide to stay, the above will help you to accept your current situation.
2. If the boss who has no idea of business:
§ do not recommend that you leave badly, you do embarrass or fight against your ego. A different approach would be put in a role of 'consultant', explaining and showing why, decisions began to take fail to support and not get the desired effect. Explain your logic. This practice may require several 'failures' previous, until you take into account your opinion and to cover and start getting new results, start applying your suggestions. Become immune to failure (as defined by others).
§ Here the strategy is to inform and educate. Informs the parent if there are decisions that could harm the results and indirectly educate him to it (this is less risky to wait really low profitability occur and have to do without staff, you included);
§ Remember that there is nothing wrong with the start enthusiastically but without clear ideas in my head as to business (you too could happen); the point is to be locked up and not listen to those who know more about the subject. Be persuasive and try to get others, like you, follow the same strategy. If you do not, it suggests a Coach to achieve these behavioral changes that potentially threaten the future of the firm. Try meaning to the business owner.
Remember that the best approach to use in a particular situation depends always on the circumstances, your personal style and your goals. The ideal is to keep a balance that allows you to have the best chance of success. Identifies as soon as you can style your boss, because sometimes you have to break the rules and others will have to follow them , some others will have to be strong and determined and other calm and wait for the best time; and some you will face it on your own and others have to think of an alliance with other team members. There is no possibility to avoid conflict with him (both your boss and the potential conflict are everywhere); you simply have to learn to get control of yourself.
Conclusion
I return to the point: there is something else that you're smart and you develop your common sense, which have available around the clock. There will be times and places where you will want to be assertive and open and others you will want to play your cards strategically. Remember that your survival in the corporate zoo ultimately depend on and largely keep the relationship with your boss, whether of the kind it was. As we know, you can not change him or her (or you for that), but you know what they do not want to repeat when you're the boss. And remember this article!

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[ 8 ]

What to do when you get a bad boss? (II)

Have you ever heard the expression: "my-way-or-the-highway? In the language of Cervantes it is something like: 'if you like good, but there you have the door, I command here. " I guess you have not said, but ever so or otherwise, you have heard. IT IS UNFAIR! pensás, but the need knows that resignation reasons unknown. Even if you decide to resign by necessity, you have the possibility of doing so that will not generate collateral damage.
For example, 'systematically unequal loads to the same hierarchy of employees work', can be one of those decisions your boss that trigger your anger drivers and initiate an internal process of job rotation. Let 's see how you could handle this situation for personal gain.
How to interpret the situation would be part of the solution, but it was because the intention of your boss does not always match your perception.
Let 's continue with the note that started in the previous article
already saw two different profiles of leaders, now let 's see some typical behaviors that could further irritate (note: if you're boss, this could serve to recognize the potential damage that could be causing, consciously or unconsciously, for not having spent time updating job-descriptions or not having booked 10 'to understand why someone in your team considers unfair workload. Remember that this has a huge hidden cost, resulting rotating, low performance, intra-team hostility, breakdown in communication and internal conflicts, which in turn can easily translate into money).
§ Is there justice in organizations?
The behavior of your boss can be from ambiguous to what you want, but really what more can gamble against the reaction you make about it . I tell you something about this and go back to your boss: when you think if # is just that guy give so little work and I do not, or vice versa, they give a lot of work to it and I do not, or who appointed project leader him and my not ... or I appoint another project responsible for me and he did not ... persecution labor justice begins to become unwittingly the focus of your effort, your comments and your day. And now, the overnight, the problem is no longer your boss, it is yours. You bought it . Your perception of the situation took over your thinking so that your subsequent behavior and, surely, the results begin arriving example, if you think you are being unfairly treated / ay're not being heard, may want to take your own corrective actions, arriving late thy way forth sooner or sipping more minutes for lunch when the boss is not watching you. This dynamic, far from being virtuous, inherently carries the seeds of very small and poor decisions made daily, which for me you positioned on the opposite doorway to success.
§ A work environment erupting: ask you you train others who, because of this, will be making promotions that you automatically deny you.
This gets ugly ... train others to achieve the position or the position I wanted? What kind of order is that? How it will play well with my moral? ' Ok, I train them , but be prepared. They will look good preparaditos ... heh, heh, heh '
The feeling of being used (if not otherwise) is something that points straight to the heart of the victim, especially when expectations, messages and even performance evaluation talking something else. But let 's look at the order once again: 'I ask you train so and so, for such a thing'. If you take the situation literally, all information received is no kick anywhere. Your thought was responsible for translate that into what would be the worst day of your news. Why? Why ask you train others ...
a) it is no small thing;
b) it is a huge responsibility;
c) always he gave prestige;
d) prepares you for more,
the error may have been your boss not being clear in your career project; but yours than the value not a horizontal movement! Forget for a moment think that the only progress in organizations is the vertical (as before), since in matrix organizations horizontal exposure (same responsibility, different areas), diagonal (just over responsibility and same area) are also very frequent.
Here are several possible alternatives or suggestions for action for each of the two attitudes mentioned above:
1.
In the case of the boss 'little lover equity':
§ seeks answers (using questions that encourage understanding, not to incite attack) to the following questions: what will you give me more work because he knows I can? Is it because you're exposing me some more responsibility? Is it because I'm the only one who can do it? Or is it because someone had to do and was I? Or is it for some other unknown reason?
You really are the only one this happens the 'Extra workload'? You have more tasks than another, but there will be someone who has more tasks than you? It is not a satisfaction, but at least your boss balances for all sides. I would suggest that you do not devote much time to this, but if you really want to build your 'case', investigates what others do, what happened to those who have worked with this
§ boss ... you can find any evidence that the thing is against you? or it is known that it always does, with everyone? Are there more people who felt undervalued and overworked?
§ If you could arrange a meeting with your boss at last , already you have an idea of what you represent to a workload fair, challenging and achievable? Nothing worse than having the ball on our side and not finally know what to do with it.
§ And in this case, as a final advice, I'd say do not play your work 'workload'; eventually, if things did not go as you wanted, you could be complaining for lack of work. You decide what you prefer. Think.
1.
For the boss who seems to ask for things that fit into your 'model':
§ Everything that serves you to be more necessary for your company or, failing that , more employable for the labor market, Buy It . Collect powers, Suma intangible assets. You're the favorite, not them. And be sure to do the best job you can, coaching that team.
§ If you still feel that this position could be yours (the end of the day you're training for what is expected of the position), directly ask your boss why he did not consider you for it. You need something that you do not have or something you still need to develop? You're good and you have the skills needed to train people in 'project management' but you are not prepared to lead a project where the pressure, the stress and the level of reporting is continuous? Can be! Not everyone is good for all, therefore, take courage and make him your boss that question. And do not wait three months to do it; you could be losing some new promotional opportunity.
Conclusion
If you think it's unfair that others do not promote ... Think you can do to promote yourself to yourself! Learn the rules of the game and start your own personal marketing campaign. Bosses are not what they should be or do whatever we wanted to do; in fact they are possibly repeating the mistakes vowed not commit when they were leaders. But are the bosses, and are now in this situation. And for some reason (that transcends your sphere of knowledge) they are there. So you're the one who must decide each step and, above all, every thought associated with the information you receive from them.

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[ 9 ]

Management possibility

That is happening naturally in a string of events, free to face a question without waiting for an answer, like a shot in the empty echo, so it will appear a new space, in the intention of wanting to listen ...
The origin of the possibility is arbitrary. Where does something practicable? What is the place of this new possibility? What or who previously occupied that place if that space previously existed? The possibility happens in a space? There before being appointed? Quench to materialize? It is the path to the new? Pergeña mutations? You may think no causal?
Too many questions. It is tempting to consider that the possibility is outside of evolution as something irreverent causal link, a shortcut that connects to a place that had not appeared by itself, a pure creation of man linked to his power, imagine, design, dream.
Acceptable considering the possibility as a manifestation linked to human abilities. A skill that goes beyond existing interpret something to get to imagine the existence of something else. A feeling that is transformed into concept.
What we have observed is that against their own state, or rather favorable, in the strictly labor framework that is why we are dealing with is that in certain contextual circumstances the man is connected with its task and its usual context of relationship with his team, and dives to create a new space. Then it goes on to warn first and then design a series of specific actions to build. And thus man creates a possibility, it does as a result of a state, a context, and then down a different path begins to develop its realization.
Manage possibility is playing in favor of it, it appears, that is validated, question, discuss, enrich, depersonalize, appropriates, nurtures, is channeled, and go causing action to its realization.
The power to appoint her with freedom to impart a breath of life, is a human attitude, pour in the midst of an integrated people focused on nurturing it with each question, let it grow autonomously in a shared game to sponsor the common ownership table, exceeding the Individual ownership of his own.
Born with a dependent fragility, without a proper beating only the continued momentum holds and at the slightest carelessness succeeded by his deregistration, and will be as if it never existed.
The possibility that I think the possibility that I am, the possibility that I sponsored and share, the possibility that I offer, the possibility that support is the same and different, while going nurturing defines its shape and mature independence, develops its attraction, blown its convener and soon to be released, making own channel, constitutes supply and joyfully receive the hope of fulfillment of others who serve him find their meaning, they project their identity, they display their life together constitute a concert that implodes until its essence, follows the reverence, praise, admiration have happened based on such an uncertain origin.
The possibility to live their own cycle several times have been called.
Generative ability of people need not be convened, to give some space is achieved release, just that is enough. Allowing appear without protocols, unexpectedly, at the right time when it is stimulated, and design mechanisms to take advantage of that contribution.
Space is over. Unlike the processes created to deliberately invoke a state, a whirlwind of ideas, a special stage to encourage creative approach to a topic, there is the option of allowing and capitalize on the emergence of the new look at every moment.
Without discussing or replace the contribution generated by deliberately coordinated events for that cause, experience teaches us that the possibility of additional space required to achieve maturation basis for its effectiveness.
Usually the established forums to dream of an ideal open with a defined theme or at least within a specific range. In this context , generally they hear the same voices. For various reasons mainly the people involved and proposes ends up being the same. As known factor speaking in embarrasses group itself, and if this proposal to bring something new, the presence of officials with different hierarchies and the expectation of achieving something productive of all this is added, participants face the least a double challenge, look good and bring something.
It is commonplace in job boards desire to engage people, the spontaneous emergence of opportunities, of different alternatives, the contribution of ideas for process improvement initiatives to achieve market differentiation, and likewise in all areas of the organization may be appear that interest when those responsible to exercise direct action, those who live in the trenches and make things happen, have the opportunity to speak.
These contributions that happen randomly or those caused in brainstorming meetings, with few exceptions, seem to fall into a common sack of desire, which most often turns into oblivion.
Only in exceptional cases that filter is exceeded, and in a few cases a significant impact appears.
Exploited or not, the overwhelming concern of people to play create, to bring something new, it integrates the generative capacity of the organization and is waiting for their chance to be convened and declare it or not, expect their space to happen.
It is available in each position, organizational capacity is a potential feature in any organization that is rarely called, and when it happens usually comes with time, in a way limited to a topic and rigid way .
For executives today, those that creep unwillingly in each hand motivational tools installed (on the left carrot and right whip), in the distance comprising their say and react are warning a new space in which it could happen what is waiting for them ... that new speeches as recited by all do occur: commitment, teamwork, value, adueñada process that integrates people, speak clearly, coordinated action, etc.
Among the specialists who struggle to occupy the scene there is an ongoing debate between different options, some of them available other developing countries , to achieve mecca "make things happen" and wield a proven success tool.
Organizations increasingly want to reach the achievement of having all the generative capacity of its people. That encourages them to move north new ways and use resonant theories, though very cautiously originated in that subtle line between conviction and convenience. Meanwhile, thereby it is stretching it is time to capitalize on those gifts, that human potential culturally discouraged and yet so vital that constantly looking for an opportunity to germinate.

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[ 10 ]

We and money: gestures that betray us

Disliking coins, banknotes placed in the portfolio, never carry cash, or save the crumpled bills in his pockets ... The way we handle and keep the money says a lot about us. Feenstra Coks clinical psychologist helps us uncover what we transmit through these gestures.
"I get on well ordered in the portfolio"
"I have a habit has always been to put the money in a portfolio, I do not like folded bills, or even two. Nor mix notes and coins is a hobby that I have. Of this way, I know exactly how much wear always on top ".
Interpretation: Take the money in the wallet is typical of people ordered to who like to have control not only about money but also about other aspects of your life (work, relationships, home) Having controlled the money represents for her safety, welfare. It also indicates fleeing surprises and routines soothed him.
"I have a tremendous hobby currencies"
"Maybe it's because I'm squeamish, but never take the coins back when I paid a taxi or a restaurant, so sometimes I leave disproportionate tips. Your contact repels me, I think of the number of people who have touched. "
Interpretation: This attitude reveals an obsession with hygiene typical of a person who values its appearance and daily housekeeping. Obsessions are signs of repressed feelings: cause fear and to silence him, people try to control situations not touching the coins, for example, or washing your hands constantly. It is also due to the image we have of money: it is dirty, do not know where it comes from.
" I always go out with a lot of money over"
"I have a lot of money distributed by all pockets: small in the back pocket, if I steal big, inside the jacket and inside the driving license,. always one of 500 euros, for an emergency. "
Interpretation is given in cautious people who like to play it safe and seek some economic and existential independence: they prefer to defend themselves in case of emergency before counting with others. Surely, in other aspects of their lives they are equally cautious: have copies of your keys, insurance for their goods and a safe for your savings. Rather than prestige, they do so for security.
"I like the feel of tickets"
"From my father I inherited the habit of carrying a lot of cash on top, held by a clip. Your touch gives me great confidence and a great sense of freedom."
Interpretation: Possibly touch the money associated with love and parental love: it's like petting an amulet, as the child, who fiddles with his favorite teddy ago. It also indicates the power that money gives the man. is the passage from child to adult: no longer takes some coins in his pocket as he did as a child. He is proud of what it has achieved on its own.
"I keep it anyway"
" I never know the money they took over because I have a habit of putting it in the bag no order is a bad habit. It takes me hours to find it when I need it ."
Interpretation: For these people the money does not mean much. It is true that he has but is not what makes you happy in life. It does not imply an existential disorganization, but cares about other things of sentimental value such as friendship, kindness, family. It is able to spend money without regret, but also not to spend and live equally happy.
"It 's in my inside pocket"
"always going with sack (or jacket) work or not, winter or summer, so the money always keep inside pocket. It is a discreet and safe place I have it under control" .
Interpretation: It means putting money ahead. It is a way to have it always controlled. Many men live in constant fear of losing their money. Represents a security, it is a sedative for anxious people: the cash precedes it, therefore it protects. Being close to the heart, it is a good to which you attach vital importance. "
" I folded the bills carefully "
" I have mania to bend notes carefully, matching all the corners. I believe that money is something serious to be treated with some respect. "
Interpretation. It is a typical attitude of the collector who hoards his own money But the feeling that gives the pet him goes beyond the pleasure of touch: it is as if were a magical icon to let him dream about the thousand things that money could provide ... but remains there, for sure. Fold carefully is caress, feel it .
"always in the back pocket"
"I find it very comfortable carry in your pocket rear; It is a fast, clean gesture. Do not bother to sit and not have to rebuscarlo in the front pockets. It is very practical. "
Interpretation: Save money in your back pocket has always been considered a very masculine gesture (rarely seen in a woman) and generous person is a way for man to strengthen his masculinity also.. feel his presence back there and touch it , stroke it , entails certain emotional and sensual pleasure. represents power and independence
"Only credit card payment"
"it 's very rare to take effective: I do all my shopping by credit card. Psychologically speaking it hurts less, I have the feeling that I'm not spending ".
Interpretation. The card has for this person a connotation of magic is not aware that spends money, which indicates a somewhat childish attitude, with a tendency to stinginess. Surely case of a person self - conscious that something is not easily carried away by the joy of buying. it is likely that by not carry money, others pay instead. he does not like splurging.

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[ 11 ]

Why we are shameful?

Blush, sweat, stutter, mind blank, tachycardia are some of the symptoms that cause us those situations that often prevent us from maintaining normal social relationships. We are more embarrassing than it seems.
Many more times than you think, man goes through situations where you feel shame. One of a transitional form and other quasi - permanent. The first do so in a haphazard and very temporarily, while for the latter the feeling of helplessness is constantly repeated. His shyness prevents them from leading a normal social activity. So are common phrases like "I do not know what to talk about," "I'll make a fool of myself and going to laugh at me," "what will they think of others ..."
Shame defined by experts as "an attitude of inhibition or behavioral blocking as a result of feeling fear when the person has to relate to others ", so does Vincent Prieto, a clinical psychologist; but not far from this definition is the idea that the sociologist and anthropologist Psychology Angeles Rubio published in his book Overcoming loneliness (Editorial AMAT): "It is a fear that usually appears in all human beings when we participate in social life as a result of the lack of self - confidence or trust that we will be loved and accepted. " And in that same book we are talking about shyness in numbers. According to a study of Vallejo Najera 1998, 42 percent of respondents describe themselves as shy, while 82 percent accept I have ever been.
Why you get to this situation? Are there genetic components? Is social environment which has? Does globalization makes us more shameful, withdrawn and shy ?.
Questions can happen when trying to understand the origins of our shame, that almost all consulted experts place in the early years of his life. " It may have originated in childhood if the child has felt rejected or has been educated in a family atmosphere where it is overprotected , " Prieto said.
Paternal influence
His colleague, clinical and educational psychologist Elena Borges, believes that " there may be an inherited or innate baggage, but it is much more important to the baggage acquired by the attitude of the environment". He continues with examples. "If a child has been subjected to taunts, threats and criticism in the family, school or friends this is cannon fodder to develop shyness environment Overprotection of children by parents favors shyness, because they enhance the autonomy. a overprotected child is a child who will be the father ahead and this will not allow proper evolution to develop their full potential. it can also be a learned behavior from parents. from timid parents which restrict their activities social, related - bit shy children may be because small imitate ". We must encourage dialogue, relations with others, make them independent, and so have many cattle for later situations.
Adolescence is a stage where it strikes shame. Who he has not lived that feeling flush when the first relationships with girls; who have not lacked the words or have babbled at an important time ... Adolescence is a time of great psychophysiological changes. "The teenager loses confidence in his own body and the first complex and an exaggerated concern for being ridiculous to others assures Vicente Prieto appear. The young attaches great importance to his feelings, his thoughts and, above all, acceptance of others. all this we live with great emotional instability. some people find it difficult to adapt to these changes and begin to feel unsafe with others, they fear, anxiety symptoms, are negatively judged and are locked in behavior. If this lasts over time and is not resolved can trigger a social phobia. "
Fear act
psychologist Elena Borges does not have a profile of "shameful patient" who comes to your inquiry. There are young and old, but clarifies that adolescence produces "many inhibited children, because at that stage the identity is lost, and patterns of childhood, all shyness reproduce. During this period young people move in group and they have very little identity ". Shameful behaviors or timid can originarle problems in their daily dealings and in their work. The fear of social situations in which risks being noticed by others or fear to do something or behave in a way that can be humiliating or embarrassing is what makes him escape, avoid these situations, and that, to the dessert, causes a malaise, a feeling of incompetence and isolated from everything around him. " It affects our cognitive and emotional intelligence and restricts our creative capacity, slowing and undermining our levels of self - esteem , " says Borges in his office receives many patients with problems of shyness, embarrassment. "These are difficult patients because it costs a lot to externalize feelings are inhibited , " concludes the specialist. So are good group work, those who favor relations with other people with the same defect. We must promote social skills.
There are more descriptive features that define the psychologist Vicente Prieto: are people who "have very few social skills: not maintain eye contact, his voice is low, difficult to start conversations, ask for help, make critical, difficult to ask out someone, give their opinions, express affection ... have negative thoughts about the 'what will they say about me' and also experience many symptoms of high anxiety. "
Relationships compromised
These symptoms can cause poor academic or work performance if the embarrassments are not adapted to the groups with which they relate. For example, Lola Compairé in his classroom oratory receives many students who want to win in security and tranquility exhibition. "They fear not measuring up , go blank, not reach the audience, collapse or just bored , " says the professor of the Ministry of Public Administration, who has taught at the University of La Rioja (Spain) officials, political appointees , journalists and lawyers.
In this modern society, the monstrous globality that we intercoms to extreme lengths, it can lead to deeper silences, a total anonymity that can cause more timid people. "It will be a virtual shyness declares Borges-. The actual capabilities of all people will be silenced. Since we only communicate virtually no relations will afloat, and gives the impression that people will become more timid."
POSITIVE TIMIDEZ
are few specialists who see the positive aspects introverted personality. Dr. Alexander Avila, in his book "The Gift of Shyness" (Ocean Amber) wants the advantage that aspect timid in relations with others; and it shows that these people have advantage when interacting or find a partner. Avila says that -the innate characteristics called the "seven gifts" - that favor shy people are the "sensitivity, loyalty, listening, reflection, modesty, mystery and kindness". For its part, Angeles Rubio, in his book "Overcoming loneliness", believes his shy behavior "makes them more accommodating, uncompetitive and quite perfectionists in the work environment, attracting the esteem of their peers." While clinical psychologist and educational Elena Borges also appreciated positive aspects in these introverted personalities: "The shy person besides listening, usually very thoughtful, because they are people who live in very own spaces, locked in their own worlds."

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[ 12 ]

People who talk too much

In his dictionary there is no word silence. No matter the subject, they have to discuss it all, speak for elbows, although regret over half of what they say, equally ingenious resulting impertinent ...
¿Eloquence or incontinence? ¿Virtue or defect ?.
"I should not have said" This is one of the most common thoughts that appear after making an unfortunate comment that has favored an uncomfortable situation. Although talk serves to relate, it is not easy to determine when it's time to shut up and listen. According to William Kozameh, psychoanalyst and professor at the Universidad Pontificia Comillas de Madrid, "the inability to remain silent is a symptom that psychiatry is called verbiage, and the need to manifest itself through the words" doctor. Initially, these people can be branded as conceited, always counting things about themselves and happy to hear, but "verbal incontinence can be caused by many different causes, so that the tips that can help some, would be devastating to others". Kozameh added.

costumed characters

Speaking appear qualities that define the personality of the individual: vocalizations, body language, gestures, etc., make a person into someone unique, you apart from their peers. When we talk, we occupy the center of attention, we become protagonists, owners of the words that form the story. However, the fact abusing this condition broadcaster, dominate and override the possibilities of conversation to turn the receiver into a passive participant, sometimes is a sign that there is a disorder in personality, so that "can be inhibited people, who avoid his verbal noise issues are indeed important in his life says Guillermo Kozameh-, narcissistic characters where your perception of the environment always revolves around them or even people who talk endlessly to cover up their ignorance in certain issues. " The common factor in all cases is that chronic anxiety eloquence transformed into just hurting the social life of the affected, preventing normal and balanced relations develop that add value to their existence.

Social rejection

When we face these people, to the tireless "incessant talker", a reaction that although at first is total acceptance -resultan friendly, warm, extroverted, nicer than the timid arises, those who avoid any conversation, eventually they end up causing the absolute rejection of any of its partners.
"At the end are used by others as background music, which represent a repetitive circle, since the speaker feels that nobody pays any attention and lowers their self - esteem , " says Guillermo Kozameh. The caller can not help but feel dispensable in conversation, and then various thoughts and doubts plan through his mind: "You really are listening to me or simulates so that finished talking and it is your turn? In addition, it makes the meeting impoverish, because with this attitude communication loses one of its main features: to exchange information.
To prevent this from happening Guillermo Kozameh believes that the solution to the problem "lies directly on the subject itself, attempting to discover the real causes that lead him to speak inordinately and learn to consider silence as an important tool to reflect and learn to know yourself. "

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[ 13 ]

Be different ... or extinct!

"If you want to succeed, you have to double your failure rate" Tom Watson jr.

This should be the watchword in times of crisis that we, as high uncertainty and competitiveness, where sales, mergers and acquisitions, are commonplace.
So great is the uncertainty as to future times as well as the current ones, professionals, entrepreneurs, partners, directors, managers, officers, advisors, must be constantly alert, generating new ideas for their businesses, optimizing costs and mentally very they prepared to face the new challenges, according to the present difficulties are actually obstacles to be overcome with a view to a future mejor.-
Everything is in a constant process of change, the roles of each in our organizations are not fixed . For corporate lawyers no longer enough to know litigate and know well the right to apply, if we stay with this idea, the future is getting smaller. We must advise, and advise well, in terms of decision making, investment, what is to come. This is what we call entrepreneurs. Today to be not only lawyers, the rule also falls accountants, engineers, lawyers, and any professional who is directly or indirectly related companies must have a global concept and integral of the situation, first of the company and then the context (national and international) where this operates.
In the business world, there are no geographical boundaries, technology gives us the elements we are integrated around the world. With the advent of E-Business and E-Commerce as a business tool, business concept, sales, marketing, the right to apply, among others, and the new Internet technology offer companies unprecedented opportunities to rethink business models, processes and relationships of a very high strategic value.
They are teaching us to think differently, to see things differently. In this matter the American professor Edward de Bono, with his theory of "Lateral Thinking" as creative thinking, which is one of the ways to escape from fixed ideas, tying creation, and especially in his book "Ideas for Professionals they think "is communicating to all generations that same situation, or problem because you can see and analyze different perspectives, to make better decisions.
Authors like Stephen R. Covey creator of "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" or Peter Senge with "The Fifth Discipline in Practice" or Daniel Goleman in his book "Emotional Intelligence in Business", all they are leading us to think and act differently and practical way to deal effectively with the times. Tom Peters, who gave the title to this note says ... It is different. or extinct !.
We must also live with the anguish of surviving in the best possible way to the current situation, there are no jobs, tasks, projects, functions or professions that guarantee us what is to come, the future and for that we must be prepared.
The word "stability" change "employability", ie, that I add to my role, what is my value added for the company to evaluate me as necessary.
Office managers, dying breed, changed by the "trench managers" who are on the ground, on the battlefront, with his people. United States is emerging model of dependency, to transform it into contracts tasks, jobs or specific projects, once they completed the same ends all ties with the organization that contract. In Argentina there is a new wave of "Project Managers" or better known as "Project Manager". Another current that is here to stay are the "Interim Managers , " which last from four to eighteen months and work on specific projects and well paid.
The permanent self - empowerment, managing general information, adaptability and flexibility to different situations and interdisciplinary work with other areas, are the tools that we use to develop and fight in each of our jobs and professions.
We know that "the only constant is change". I remember a quote from Charles Darwin, who mentioned "are not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent. They are the ones most responsive to change".
We must be prepared to face every day. But also, as a mitigating factor, we say that regardless of the situations that touch us live, how difficult and complicated they may be, success in our personal, professional and labor is obtained with "discipline", "determination", "will" and "constancy". But above all things, betting everything we have to achieve our business objectives or Professionals :
Miguel Angel Cornejo, says, "if life will you bet a weight, life pays you with a weight". -

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[ 14 ]

Give back life to their job functions

Do not allow fear to express their emotions in cutting work their aspirations to be a successful professional. Expert human resources presents suggestions for a more livable world of work.
A gesture young tilt safety while opening the door saying "good morning ... forward" indicates that we have reached the battlefield called "office".
Gone was the wife or loving husband. We have put our clothes iron that came to show unwavering professional, who avoided at all costs make a mistake in front of his colleagues, but above all, against the boss.
In the Complete Guide to take control of your work life, written by Barbara Moses explained "that things have become so complex that work almost qualifies as an extreme sport."
In this regard, the director of the New Acropolis Association, Mario Ilabaca, who provides training on self - improvement, says that this phenomenon is because we are living in a very stressful society and the need to survive has led us to live almost like machines.
"We have forgotten our quality of being human, we have forgotten the value or importance of friendship, family and values. We have focused on a stifling, stressful job, at a time that we drink fully the day , "says Ilabaca.
The professional in human resources adds that "some misfortune happens when we live or when an emotionally strong shock, is there we begin to value and we realize the importance of human contact , " he says.
RESCATAR VALUES
The expert believes that it has lost the empathy, the ability to understand what may be feeling the other person.
Suggests we rescue and revaloricemos the true meaning of why we are in society, what is our role. We must return to a real motivator, a life, a future vision, according to the expert.
"I do not think that emotions are lost, I just think they are hidden and -product fear of how people live today - makes us fear to express what we really feel , " says Ilabaca.
He added that today, even though the cities are full of millions of human beings are increasingly alone. And we are alone because we have also lost the ability to be with ourselves. "
HUMANS recognize us as
Self - analysis leads us to know ourselves and that way, we can share our lives with others.
Ilabaca believes that emotions or hide true feelings and the negative- is valid - not exactly a sign of emotional instability.
"One who is stable, mature and confident will never have any reason to fear or not to show what their true feelings , " notes Ilabaca.
People do not show their feelings for fear. Because behind every professional is a human being.
"The fact of showing my emotional capacity does not mean I'm an unstable person, but I put all my emotional capacities both as professionals in the service of the company , " says the director of New Acropolis.
HEALTHY LIVING TOGETHER
For Mario Ilabaca, director of New Acropolis, do not teach people to hide emotions, but knowing how to channel. If we have anger, jealousy, resentment, that does not benefit the family environment, work or whatever. The other principles inherent in the human being as solidarity, love, loyalty, are required to create an optimal environment in any place not only at work , "he says.

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[ 15 ]

Emotional intelligence in the success of the leader

Summary: In simple words, leadership is getting others to do to win. The leader organizes resources and channels the potential of people. Leadership requires rational intelligence for planning tasks and emotional intelligence for driving the human group. Transactional Analysis (one of the New Sciences Conduct- NCC) is an educational model that allows training on human behavior and development of a Situational Leadership. The NCC provide the foundation for the development of emotional intelligence. Transcendence in leadership is given by an attitude, a leading concern beyond their context of action, its area of influence. It is to care for the Earth as if your garden is to feel the needs and dreams of their group. It is working with principles as the center of its action. It is feeling integrator and also a small member. It is to achieve its realization by performing others.

Leadership and corporate strategy

In the current and future context, global analysis, quick decisions in interdisciplinary teams, human potential is the differentiator in organizations. You can not learn recipes driving: the leader needs a strong background in theme of his personal domain, to learn and to lead others and transmit to your outfit.
Starting from one of the many definitions, "Leadership is a process of influence on the activities of individuals or groups to achieve common goals in certain situations."
This includes:
1 - activities and goals on one hand (tasks and organization)
2 - influence on individuals and groups in certain situations. (people and context)
then the leader needs training in:
1 - Effective implementation of activities
need tools for planning and monitoring of these activities
planning tasks requires more rational intelligence (taught mostly in technical universities, and traditional leadership courses project).
2 - Development and interaction with people
and this is the most important and perhaps less practical part of their training
Driving people requires emotional intelligence (intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence) and ... where you learn ... possibly only in the course of Psychology? . Is just a famous leader, the renowned Lee Iacocca (father of the Ford Mustang and who resurrected Chrysler), who tells in his autobiography: "that the courses most useful to him, but even that matters engineering and management, were the years he studied psychology. "
Emotional Intelligence begins with self - knowledge (what Peter Senge calls "Personal Mastery" (where other disciplines. Shared Vision, Teamwork, Leadership and Systemic Discipline - which includes other - (1)
The current Organizational structures have formal organizational charts, which show only a photograph of the position of people in the company, and do not reflect such as communications in the field or between employees from different departments.
Processes cross departments, processing carried out by the companies to add value, passes from one sector to another, and are not reflected in the organization chart;. is the transformation of raw materials into a product or processing of information to deliver a service
globalization (the context of having competition in Asia and suffer like I was in the corner), product of telecommunications, technology, Internet and a market in which supply exceeds demand, generates a very dynamic environment, high turnover in offering products and services and major decisions in short periods with uncertainty.

Need for training emotional (psychological)

This is the world that requires Situational leaders, leaders willing to "do what is best done at the time." Flexible leaders to human needs and context. "Every time it's late earlier." Levy says Alberto
management, engineering, construction, logistics, transport, telecommunications, ... require project leaders for execution .. but also means any action of a small group or requires very large Leaders from the smallest project to the address of the largest companies in the world.
Neurological studies show the different skills of our cerebral hemispheres, the rational in the left hemisphere and emotional and creative on the right.
So, sometimes it is said: "manage from the left and right lead." Use both hemispheres is widely develop our potentiality to act. Leadership carry it forward successfully people who meet the qualities of "rational intelligence" for the fulfillment of goals and "emotional intelligence" to understand and motivate the group of people.
So we see that the combination that best helps a leader is the one that complements both intelligences.
Rational training is receiving in the technical career; and emotional training? As such training to develop emotional intelligence ?: Having a psychological training. Knowing the basis of our behavior to better understand human interactions.
The definition seems more current leadership is "the first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you . Between the two, the leader must become a servant and debtor. " Max de Pree (2)
Being a servant is something that is not a true leader upsets. We are in the organization to "serve" in our family we are to serve in the society we are to serve ... .This "concern to serve" is differentiates one company from another; its quality, customer service, their response in the aftermarket, the technical service, etc. We are servants, and not see it that way, is going to contramano, human respect and productivity in your company.

Serve is the way to transcend.

Trying to put in the way of steps lead / lead / manage ... ..
Mission: get others to do wanting
What to do: develop communication skills, motivation, driving, harmony, proactivity, respect, humility, decision making, time management .........
how: development of personal mastery, self - knowledge to understand others. Training in emotional intelligence. Understanding that company, business, leadership, spirituality, reason, soul, personal growth, results are linked.
Training in New Behavioral Sciences is a way ...
Vision: the aspirations of the staff are a pillar of the development of the company. Towards a transcendent development of people in the company and the business community vision. Towards a joint vision of business. How to receive this training in psychological issues?
The New Behavioral Sciences are an affordable way to start the journey in the knowledge of psychology as the basis of Emotional Intelligence and starting point for Transcendent Leadership ..
Transactional Analysis (TA) is one of the New Science Behavior. It is an educational model. Created by Eric Berne in 1951, enables forming a new insight into the art of leadership in times of constant change, great uncertainty and short decision times, which require the full potential of people.

Introduction to Transactional Analysis (TA)

Some areas of study:
Structural analysis: studying individual personality (Parent, Adult, Child)
Functional analysis: in its manifestation with others.
Transaction Analysis: studies human interactions (communication)
analysis of psychological games: repetitive series of transactions, with an unconscious part and a predictable end.
The Argument for life: a life plan formulated in childhood, then forgotten, but that continues to drive our lives.
Authentic and substitute emotions: the emotional components of our behavior.
Recognition and caresses: the importance of verbal and nonverbal message, the physical contact of each other's existence, self - esteem.
Existential Positions: how they see me (I perceive me) and how I see (perceive) to others.
Structuring the time: in our various areas and roles (labor, social, family, ..)
impellers: be strong, perfect, happy, hurry up and try again.
Handling; Disqualification,….
Changing our behavior is a profound act, because our emotions are affected. Without emotional change, no change of paradigms. (... And paradigms define our strategy, ... in business and in life ....)

[ Index ▲ ]

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